Why do bad things happen to good people?

I know 2012 is  around the corner and what that entails. The whole world knows that the earth is going through a cleansing, shaking off the old order and giving birth to the Golden age or Satya yuga.What stumps me is the fact that most of the people who are caught in this cleansing act are good ,hardworking people who probably wouldn't even dream of harming a fly. 

Of course nothing can be hidden any longer.While previously people would wait for the law to take its course,nowadays the public decides the fate of the wrongdoer due to extensive media coverage.This really is in keeping with the words of Christ that whatever hidden would be brought to light.But again what about that strong spiritual friend of mine who has spent the better part of her life in meditation and service? Why did she have to lose a son and go through the anguish that followed- the worst sort of suffering a human can take on? What about that gentle ,quiet colleague, a single mother of two tiny girls  who kept running around without a murmur about her difficult life, juggling home and the workplace with only the support of aged parents only to land up in a greater fix after she broke her leg and was hospitalised,adding the last straw on the proverbial camels back?

I've racked my brains and the only explanation I can give is that these are strong souls who are making use of these times to clear away their karma .  Maybe these are the darkest  shadows they are calling forth and healing back to light so that they can step into the New age with more light.

Or are they light beings who are taking on these difficulties to give an opportunity for other souls to be more compassionate and giving so that these other souls can express and gather more light ?

I really don't know.

All I can say is that everything happens for a reason,and the only thing that can keep you going is holding on to the belief that "God is in His heaven/ Alls right with the world."

I really am that which I am

If you scroll down you will see my article I am that I am. This was received with mixed reactions when it was published.Two readers felt that I was advocating selfishness- saying I am what I am .Accept me as I am if you will or I  don't care.They felt that  the article smacked of arrogance.

I  knew that they hadn't got the essence of what  I had meant but then I had no words to explain it clearly to them.

It was a week back that I came across an article which spoke of the mask self. I had always known that we have a lower self or ego which experiences the world and a Higher self ,which  can be seen as the figure above the lowest figure in my profile picture.Life is a dance between this Higher self and the lower self. There is a third self the ego takes on to keep up its face in society- the Mask self ,or the self we put on to convince society that we are the ideal people society expects us to be.Once I  realized that this masked self is the most dangerous self with its sickly sweet behaviour conforming  to the roles society expects you to play, I understood clearly why I really needed to have the courage to accept my lower self and say I am that I am.I am an angry upset person now. I accept it but now that I have the courage to recognize who I am I need not hide my feeling under a mask of politeness. When I am really aware of how I am operating  now , I have the freedom to raise my lower self to its higher counterpart. If  I don't accept that I am what I am now ,I will bury my feelings and emotions under a mask until finally one day they explode when I am least aware of it.That's how the Masked self has made us victims of emotional outbursts . They are our hidden feelings coming up to the surface for light and resolution.

That also explains why I was hesitant a few weeks back when an organization asked me to contribute to a cause. I wondered if I was being a cheap skates by refusing to saying that I would give only when I felt like giving and to whom I  felt like giving.A small voice inside me told me urgently to put  my  name on the list lest the rest of the group think I was cheap. Needless to say I succumbed to its egoistic pressure and wrote out an amount just to conform and play the role of a contributor.One would think that it was my Higher self telling me to give but now I understand the messages of my Higher self better.

That urgent message had been  the masked self speaking.My authentic Higher self  self had told me that giving should come from the heart and it should not be done just to keep up appearances.It is a self that needs only to express its wholeness and joy. It needs no ones approval.

I am that I am and when I give in the future , it will be out of completeness as an expression of who I am and now out of a masked emptiness trying to buy peoples approval.

Truly now that I  understand my mantra I am that I am  and why I  need to have the courage to be that which I am, whether Higher or lower, I have been freed.I say courage because it sometimes is tough to be true to yourself when you know society is watching your every move and is ready to judge you but again what is  this society we are all trying to please ? It is just the opinions of a given group of people and these opinions can change in the twinkling of an eye and is not worth breaking ones head over!

Higher and lower are only relative states leading to the dance of Life and it is only when I embrace both and enjoy all the moments I go through that I move towards the Absolute  who created this light and shadow play.

I then truly enjoy this cosmic dance and dance along !

Pause a sec

Life goes on.I too get caught up in the rat race, rushing to the school where I work, looking after tons of screaming children and trying not to scream myself.It sometimes becomes so hectic that I feel that if breathing doesn't happen automatically I would have no time to breathe.

Then I remember.That is the golden moment.That is the moment that I need to pause, take a deep breath and tell myself that if I have gotten so busy that I cannot take two minutes to look within and connect to myself,I really am caught up in the illusion.That is the ideal time to drop it all and sit still wherever I am and catch up with myself.
Surprisingly the world does not come to an end.Things do not get held up as I thought they would.
It is only my ego which makes me feel I have to keep running.
I can always stop at any time.I can breathe,breathe in life, breathe in nothingness,breathe in bliss.
The choice is with me.I am in control.The dishes can wait.I can go slow with my test corrections.And when I go slow and breathe in the magic of life,all these get down effortlessly.

The comedy of errors.

This was published in the Times NIE student edition in 2009

Whatever being a teacher entails, the profession is neither boring nor predictable. How can such an everyday affair such as an assembly that kick starts the normal school morning be so different everyday?

It all started when we teachers decided it  was not enough if only the good smart children were given a chance to go onstage. It was just not fair.. The same children came on stage, kept giving lofty thoughts or recited poems, kept getting accolades. The good ones kept getting better while the “ordinary’ ones kept hiding their talents under the bushel,content to hide in the background, shivering at the thought of going on stage.
Then the school decided that the goal would be to bring each and every one on stage so that “stage fright” would be an unknown experience among Navkians.
Mornings found the timid truants rushing to school to polish up their News before they presented it to the school while others went the extra mile to go through various thoughts which could give their friends something to chew on.
But the fun began when it was the turn of the little children to come on stage. Here the energy was different. There was no fear, only excitement. And the excitement began two weeks earlier as tiny soldiers beat the drum to the tune of the National Anthem ably tutored by the teacher in charge of assembly. As strains of Sare jahan se accha.” would rent the air we at all ends of the school would know it was at 3 0’clock and the little ones were getting rady for the next morning’s programme. We began to look forward to the innocent faux pas they committed such as calling out to the ones who scrambled in late to join them on stage or their total, refreshing lack of self-consciousness often exhibited by their older school mates.
The highlight came when it was the time of Grade II to perform the Ramayana on stage.
A buzz of excitement went among the crowd as the little ones trickled down the stairs from their first floor classroom. Gorgeously attired courtiers from the court of Ram followed an intimidating Ravan and his group. The colourful costumes, the demure little Sita clad in an orange sari, Suparnaka with her school belt showing under her hastily tied sari, chubby hip little companions of Sita all had the crowd transfixed.
Then as Hanuman jumped up on stage, the junior school burst into giggles. This was followed by round-eyed wonder and glee when the war between Ram and Ravan started. Many of them must have been reminded about the WWW spars they had seen on TV. They waited eagerly for Ram to get to Ravan who was ably being guarded by a tiny little bodyguard.The body guard was doing his job well-so well infact that he forgot that he was to have fallen when hit by a club of Rams guard. He was so busy shooting out arrows at Ram that his opponent began to sweat as he gave a loud whisper of “Hey, you have to fall now.”
Undeterred the guard  kept shooting   arrows. Only when they finished did he remember that he had to fall so that the guard on the other side could attack Ravan.
By the time the little fellow fell down the school was in splits. By the time they wrapped up the play with a group song it was clear that these little ones who gave their 100% to what they did and who enjoyed and were so involved in whatever they did were the stars who had the ability by their sheer innocence to pull crowds.
Kudos to the  children.I am   sure  there never was such a hilarious enactment of that well loved tale –one that will not easily be forgotten!

Free to live, free to experience life.

I love working in a school.You can say I enjoy it next to writing.Though I often like to scream along with the childen out of sheer frustration as the noise level goes up, at the end of the day I go to bed happy.

The little ones especially are frank in expressing their opinion and you need no better critic to point out where you are lacking.Having said that they are the first ones to appreciate you even if you really goof up-as I did on Teachers day.
I have always suffered from stage fright.Well not always.I was at home on the stage ,singing or acting in plays, until I reached 7th grade when I was continuously berated for being over confident or over smart . The last straw came when I took part in a singing competition and my voice broke -a singer's worst nightmare.There stopped my love for the stage. Enter stage fear.Ever since I have always avoided the stage and squirmed out of any opportunity to give speeches, compere or conduct quizzes.
This teachers day I was forced on the stage along with other teachers and my class really suffocated me with their loving demands that I sing.Ofcourse I fumbled,my voice broke and I got all the lyrics mixed up.can you imagine a worse situation? it was as though I was living that day in 7th Grade again.But there was a difference.Staring up at me were not giggling judgemental faces of my classmates and a few teachers who taught me ,but accepting, adoring faces of the children I teach.To them it didnot matter if I croaked.Their teacher ws singing on stage and that was all that mattered.I think that it was then when they accepted me unconditionally, that that part of me that had got stuck in the 7th grade stage experience was released and healing took place.
That evening as I was going home, a little one from II grade came up to me and said,"ma'am you sang very sweetly.'
Does one need anything more motivation? And what about my stage fright? Well,it couldnot have got worse than that and yet if no one minded, why should I?
I also realised that people are so busy worrying about themselves they would not waste a moment thinking about my stage performance.
We are the centre of our own worlds and many of us worry unnecessarily about what others think of us.The reality is others are so caught up with managing their own lives that even if they take off the time to judge you, it may only be for a moment or two.
Maybe I won't volunteer to go stage but if the opportunity arises I may not shy away as I used to do all these days.For I have realised that those who take more time than 2 minutes of their lives to judge others are not worth worrying about. They need to do a lot of work on themselves so why should I bother my head about their opinions about me?
Either way all that matters is the experience I am having for that is the only thing I can control.Once I allow others to have their reactions and am not affected by it I can experience various things in this stage of life without being held back by fear.


I then really start to live

Uncovering the soul

Published  in Life Positive December 2009

Uncovering the soul

Dated: in the now

Dear Soul
“Isn’t the soul already healed? Why then do we need healing?” was the question you posed when I spoke to you about healing. Well you’re right! The soul is healed, whole and complete. What needs healing is not the soul but the body, mind and intellect.
As we heal these three equipments we peel off various layers. As we peel off various layers what is left is our deepest and true self -the soul. This soul which has been muffled up and hidden by the various layers of our false self is now able to shine and express itself in all its glory.
This reminds me of what Shankaracharya used to say. Once you negate what you are not (neti,neti-I am not this) what is left is who you really are- the soul.
Layer 1-The Body
"I am not the body,” is a phrase many mediators use to help them centre themselves. I am not the body but I have this body as an equipment which helps me express the qualities of my true self .I need to do my utmost to keep this equipment in good working condition. I heal the body of its various ailments, not only because it gives me a sense of well being but also because I owe it to my maker to keep this temple pure and be the best I can be so that His light may shine forth. Paying too much attention to the body is as great a hindrance to healing as paying too little attention to it. The ideal approach would be to treat it with due respect and love but with supreme detachment knowing whatever affects the body does not affect your true self –the soul. In fact to heal yourself when in the midst of an illness look at your body as though it belongs to someone else. Then detach yourself from the pain. Watch it, be aware of it, feel the pain completely but keep affirming that the pain will come and go just as waves ebb and flow. It has no hold over you for you are God and God cannot be sick. This requires a lot of practice and commitment but if you keep at it, the results are astounding. I tried this recently and was surprised at the strength I got to go through a migraine attack. The pain continued but underlying it was a sense of peace in the midst of pain. What was this peace I felt when my body was in agony? How could I experience this peace unless I was something more than my body? I had a tough time with the migraine but I knew healing had started, for the thought I was more than my body had been established in my mind.
You need to keep working at detaching from the pain. Once you come to a supreme level of detachment where all bodily functions cease to affect you, you have zeroed in to your soul. This is what Ramakrishna Paramahansa and Ramana Maharishi experienced.
Layer 2- The Emotions.
The body is but the tip of the ice berg. Your emotional baggage is another matter altogether.
For one you don’t see it and for another it catches you unawares. Eckart Tolle calls negative emotions as the pain body .This pain body is all negative energy you have not addressed and faced. The problem with this baggage is that it springs forth into action when you are at your most vulnerable. It is difficult to subdue this pain body when you are caught up in it. That is why you need to do a lot of home work before it attacks. Here is where meditation plays a vital role. When you still yourself, you are then in a position to witness or be aware of your personalities expressions. It helps then to think of a situation which triggers your pain body. Let’s take a situation which we encounter in our day to day lives – that of being constantly judged by others. In a moment of quietness with yourself, witness this situation in your mind’s eye. Then chalk out the appropriate response you would like to give when that situation next arises. You can be sure that the situation will arise soon so that you can resolve it. This is the holy moment of healing. If you find you are caught up in the anger the pain body releases when someone passes a derogatory remark, don’t resist the feeling. Accept it. Feel it fully. See how it affects your body. As you watch yourself without any judgement, the feelings will subside. They may arise again but with less intensity. Then release the emotion with the firm belief and knowing that “I am not this emotion. I am the essence of the body, mind and intellect. I am the one in control. I have a choice of how to respond and what to do with this emotion. I choose to let it go.” Then perhaps you will be able to tackle the situation with love. You may be able to speak to the offending person in peace.
The Sedona method started by Larry Crane tells you to drop the emotion just as you drop a pencil. All it needs is a decision-your decision. It is because you hold on to a pencil that the pencil remains in your hand. The minute you let it fall, it goes away. Same with your emotions. Your emotions latch on to you because you hold on to them. Accept they are there, feel them, watch them and know you have the power to let them drop just as easily as you would let a pencil drop.
Feelings are the language with which our soul communicates with the universe so it does serve us to nurture positive feelings and emotions and uncovers the light of our selves, our souls.
Layer 3- Our thoughts
Why do we have the emotions we have? Well emotions are nothing but energy in motion. The energy of our thoughts in motion. So the source of our emotions is our thoughts. That is why we have to heal the mind and peel off the thick layers of negative thinking. If I have a thought that things should be a certain way-that I should not be judged by anyone, or that no one should talk ill about me, I will naturally get emotional when someone says something bad about me. So here it will serve us to release all thoughts we have about how things ought to be. Once the mind is free of the traffic of thought, there is more space for the soul to express Itself in a new and fresh manner. For this we use the same method. We watch each thought without judgment and know we are the master of the mind. We then allow only healthy thoughts to pass through the portals of our mind. We are unaffected and that gives us the space to examine the judgments and take necessary action if we find there is some truth in them.
Layer 4-Our beliefs
But what colours our thoughts? Where do they come from? They come from our deep subconscious belief in things. Our core beliefs. The most important belief we hold is our belief about the nature of the Universe. If you believe the universe is out to attack you, your thoughts will be that of fear, your emotions will reflect this fear and you will act it out through your body language and interactions with others in negative ways. Just change your belief from separation to oneness and see your world do a somersault. You know deep in your heart that since you are one with All That is, you are safe and pure and so are the others. This belief translates into clear and healthy thoughts. Such healing thoughts of joy bring feelings of peace and joy and you act in the world in a joyful manner thus producing and attracting more and more good in your life.
Once you believe that you are God’s representative on earth, know that you have healed and peeled off many of your wrong beliefs, thoughts emotions and body consciousness, you are at the end of your journey. You have reached that part of you that is eternal and immortal, that is one with Source that is whole, healed and complete and needs no healing. Till you reach that place go on uncovering and healing your illusionary layers. Sounds tough? But that is what the adventure of Life is all about!
We are – God in action
 Just affirm I AM THAT. Once you affirm and believe in this, the rest will soon fall in place.
Continue to heal yourself and just see how you enjoy the adventure of your life.
With love and light


I am that I am.

I AM THAT I AM

Published in Life Positive ,September  2009 issue

Dated: In the Now

Dear Soul
I know you must be puzzled by the fact that I end my letters with this famous line from the Old Testament. These are the words spoken by God to Moses. Well, my life has changed radically ever since I started using this phrase or shall I say mantra? I sometimes substitute it for “I AM that which I choose to be each moment” or “I am that which I am”. It works like magic every time and creates a shift in my being, reminding me of my divinity instantly. Let me tell you how it helped me with my interface with Old Man Ego, over the question of healing.
I’ve always wanted to be a healer. (Haven’t we all?) Most of us look upon healing as something that someone else can bestow on us or we can bestow on somebody. This was the very experience I had-until recently.
I did various things in order to be a healer. I was filled with the desire to heal, to be a Blessing, to affect someone’s life. To achieve this I ran from pillar to post .Any healing workshop, any Guru coming to town and I was there. I am not saying that all this did not help me. They did enormously. But the mistake I made was in thinking that I had to do these things. I had to get a darshan of this great guru, I had to visit mountain shrines, I had to read this book on healing, I had to get my hands on that latest book by this author. Well, caught up in this grind of Have to dos I found that along with all the knowledge I got, I was also accumulating a lot of stress. Was I being a healer then when I was so stressed? Nope. Naturally I was being the opposite- a kill joy .Tension blocked all my energy and allowed no space for healing to flow through.
Further as I lapped up all the knowledge, I became even more confused. Perhaps I needed to get this initiation or that one in order to have dramatic healings. My self esteem plummeted further as I found I was not clairvoyant like this healer or psychic like the next. The Ego in me only added fuel to the raging fire by asking “Now what? Where are the results?”
“I must be doing something wrong of course” I thought and Old Man Ego, ever ready to lend a hand, pointed out that I could not possibly be a healer when I myself needed healing. “First work on yourself.” It admonished. “Then when you are healed you can heal others.”
So then began the next round of feverish activity. I dropped all efforts to heal others and concentrated on healing myself. Hours of meditation and healing sessions with myself replaced all the outer healing activities but I was no closer to the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. The feverish running around after others had only been replaced by an urgent obsession with myself. Life did not improve much. Still no miracle healings. Disgusted I threw in the towel. I was exhausted with trying and doing. In sheer desperation I gave it all up, the need to heal, the need to meditate, the need even to serve. I just let it go. I was suddenly at a place where if I died without healing and being healed it was quite okay. In dying to my ego I was suddenly flowing with life. Maybe I was not a healer but I was a much happier person now!
It then hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course as long as Old Man Ego held the reins and made me think I could be a healer ,I would never be at peace nor enjoy or express myself. One can only be a channel for healing to flow through and it is for the supreme to be the Healer. Even the need to serve was an offshoot of the ego. It was the ego which wanted to feel important as a healer or a lightworker.It was the ego that wanted to be a “meditator.”Of course it was good to meditate for it helped me quieten myself so as to hear the whispers of my soul, but even getting obsessed about that only meant the Ego had slipped in.
What would the soul do then? I wondered, not feverishly but in quiet wonder. Bang came the answer. The soul would just bask in beingness- being whatever it is each moment. It would not hop around searching for people to heal or help. It would just go with the flow, lapping up the experiences Life brought it. It would perhaps say what God said I am That I am. If life brought along some opportunity to share its light, the soul would willingly heal or serve just as an expression of who It is. Life would be one big meditation .It was then that I adopted this mantra of acceptance. I am that I am.
“Let me accept each moment peacefully. Suppose it’s okay if I don’t rush to this workshop. Suppose it’s okay if I am not able to heal this person’s pain. Suppose it is okay if my heart breaks for the other person and I just feel the pain and admit I don’t know how to comfort. Suppose all I need to do is love people for who they are, allow them to be that which they are while I am being that which I am? Suppose I don’t even need anything. I just have to express who I am; experience whatever comes my way, with every cell of my being, trying only to make a higher choice each time. Suppose I go one step forward and include myself among those I love-even on those days when I am not so lovable, when I am tired and irritated and complaining and controlling. Suppose that too is okay as it is just what I am experiencing myself to be at that given moment?
Interestingly enough as soon as I started using this mantra, I read a piece by Walsch author of the CWG series which read …”.Werner Erhard, creator of est, used to put this in his own unique way. "Obviously," he said, pointing at something or referencing something, "this is What's So. Not so obviously, it's also So What?" “
Erhard was saying so what instead of my “Suppose it is okay” but both meant the same thing- acceptance of things as they are. Byron Katie author of “Loving what is” has made acceptance a way of life. She joyfully accepted a diagnosis of cancer and her mother’s death. She even looked at the man who attacked her with a gun with joy, acceptance and gratitude. The bemused man just stared and left her alone. Coming back to Walsh again, he says that if God can be imagined as having a personality, God would be accepting and blessing. He says that the greatest secret to life is that once one accepts any condition and then blesses it, he transforms the condition, for, his accepting and blessing energy shifts the energy of the condition itself. Maybe that is why God told Moses I am that I am, that is, I accept and enjoy all that I am, each moment.
Once I did not want to do or achieve anything great but was happy being That which I am, healing began to flow. There was nothing I needed to do. All I had to do is to Be- Be available, be open so that the only Healer in the world could flow thru me and touch others .I am a channel for healing to flow through when I am completely accepting of both my dark and light sides for it is a part of the human experience. When I accept all that I am I am being healed!
Using the I am that I am mantra in my life made me more accepting and brought me to a place where I embraced my ego instead of fighting it .That means not hating myself and becoming tense on those days my Ego took the driver’s seat. In keeping with the secret given above, I found that the minute I embraced and accepted the role that the ego played in my life, I quickly slid back to my true self. Once you raise your vibration with acceptance you can go on to make higher choices and of course the highest choice would always be Love.
AND Let me tell you Love is the greatest healer. Do you too want to heal anybody? All you need to do is send them your love. That highest energy will automatically carry your healing to them.

With love and light
I Am that I am.