Free to live, free to experience life.

I love working in a school.You can say I enjoy it next to writing.Though I often like to scream along with the childen out of sheer frustration as the noise level goes up, at the end of the day I go to bed happy.

The little ones especially are frank in expressing their opinion and you need no better critic to point out where you are lacking.Having said that they are the first ones to appreciate you even if you really goof up-as I did on Teachers day.
I have always suffered from stage fright.Well not always.I was at home on the stage ,singing or acting in plays, until I reached 7th grade when I was continuously berated for being over confident or over smart . The last straw came when I took part in a singing competition and my voice broke -a singer's worst nightmare.There stopped my love for the stage. Enter stage fear.Ever since I have always avoided the stage and squirmed out of any opportunity to give speeches, compere or conduct quizzes.
This teachers day I was forced on the stage along with other teachers and my class really suffocated me with their loving demands that I sing.Ofcourse I fumbled,my voice broke and I got all the lyrics mixed up.can you imagine a worse situation? it was as though I was living that day in 7th Grade again.But there was a difference.Staring up at me were not giggling judgemental faces of my classmates and a few teachers who taught me ,but accepting, adoring faces of the children I teach.To them it didnot matter if I croaked.Their teacher ws singing on stage and that was all that mattered.I think that it was then when they accepted me unconditionally, that that part of me that had got stuck in the 7th grade stage experience was released and healing took place.
That evening as I was going home, a little one from II grade came up to me and said,"ma'am you sang very sweetly.'
Does one need anything more motivation? And what about my stage fright? Well,it couldnot have got worse than that and yet if no one minded, why should I?
I also realised that people are so busy worrying about themselves they would not waste a moment thinking about my stage performance.
We are the centre of our own worlds and many of us worry unnecessarily about what others think of us.The reality is others are so caught up with managing their own lives that even if they take off the time to judge you, it may only be for a moment or two.
Maybe I won't volunteer to go stage but if the opportunity arises I may not shy away as I used to do all these days.For I have realised that those who take more time than 2 minutes of their lives to judge others are not worth worrying about. They need to do a lot of work on themselves so why should I bother my head about their opinions about me?
Either way all that matters is the experience I am having for that is the only thing I can control.Once I allow others to have their reactions and am not affected by it I can experience various things in this stage of life without being held back by fear.


I then really start to live