Posts
Published in Life Positive March 2013
I stumbled on the Higher
Self game when I was deeply divided and angry.
Smarting under an unexpected
verbal attack from a friend one day, the first thing I did was fall into the
usual habit of getting caught in my thoughts. I was the classic victim and even
after the incident was over I kept going over it in my mind. The little me kept
on like a stuck record, “Who does she think she is,” followed by “You really
can’t trust anyone. Everyone has their own agenda.”
At home sitting with
myself during meditation I realized that I was nowhere getting to stillness.
“What if you accept
this too- this feeling of disturbance?” came a calming voice. Immediately the
energy shifted. It was OK to be angry. If it was showing up in my reality now it
was because it had something to show me. As I was present to this anger and was
comfortable with its energy, I heard my Higher self say .
“You have been
experimenting with the truth that you are not the doer, that must mean your
friend too is not a doer. Why don’t you apply that principle to her too? She too
has not done anything to you. It is just the Universe unfolding according to
your subconscious beliefs and karmas.”
“You mean she doesn’t
have an axe to grind?’ I demanded my mind kicking in again.
“Well, whether she has
or has not doesn’t concern you. That is her journey. Your job here is to focus
on your own journey now. Take that incident as a blessing that the Universe is
giving you to show you which shadow you have to heal. Whatever is happening is happening because of
various forces you have set forth due to egoic investments in the universe as a
doer. “
“This happening in the
universe has been likened to a potter’s wheel which when set into motion
initially by someone gains momentum and keeps on moving even when there is no
one to manipulate it ,hasn’t it?”
“You are right. Now
find out which part of you feels ‘less than’ and wounded. That is what needs to
be healed. “
I got really silent and
got in touch with that inner child part of me that was still capable of being
wounded and needed to be healed .
“If there is only one
of us and you are part of that One what do you lack?” came the same still voice
of my wise self. As the stillness took over something sprung up instead of the
anger- a feeling of compassion-compassion for my friend and for people in
general who carry their burdens and view points and suffer just as I had done a
few moments ago. Along with it came the remembrance of reading what Echart Tolle
had said that how you interpret life or your own
behavior or thwe behavior of others is after all only a view point – a bundle
of thought and has no reality. Now suddenly a thought came up.
” The whole shift
occurs when I shift from the lower to the higher. What if instead of
identifying with this lower needy self I identified with my Higher self? How
could I do it?”
I remembered reading
how Dr. Brian Weiss’ patients who had been regressed to their past lives often
found themselves floating once they left their bodies after death. They were
then able to have a detached perspective of their live and view the lessons
they needed to learn.
I imagined that I was a
light body floating above this human body for after all our Higher selves is
really the light and clear part of ourselves. As I viewed the situation from a
higher, more detached perspective I suddenly saw things the little me had never
seen. I saw my part in the drama.I saw my little self holding on to her story
and I saw that just as I had a right to hold on to my view point my friend too
could hold on to hers. No one was right and no one was wrong. Things just were
as they were. And as my Higher self had hinted, it was happening so that I
could heal that part of me that was still clinging on to her opinions out of
insecurity.
And then I also
remembered about soul contracts. The person who attacks you has agreed to take
on that role so that you could heal.
Suddenly the whole
perspective changed. From being an attacker my friend really became a friend
who was helping me on my soul journey.
That moment helped me
start a game I call my Higher self game. When my spouse or boss or relatives or
acquaintances trigger off some negative emotion in me it is time to shift with
awareness to my higher self. They are just being a portal through which the
universe is helping me heal. When I feel the trigger arise I use this awareness
to allow me to create some space around the incident instead of getting caught
in it. I float to where I imagine my Higher self is and view the situation from
Her perspective. And let me tell you, when I come down to terra firma it is
with a wholly new response- that of checking my own behavior, accepting their
behavior as well as mine and sending love and light.
I always come out of my
connection with my bigger self feeling lighter. It helps me to put things into perspective.
She always makes me
realize that people are different and fine just as they are and when I connect
to this real me I am able to move through this separation with ease and unity.
It
all depends on who I choose to be this moment. Am I this spacious Presence of
my Higher nonjudgmental self or am I the little needy me? That will make all
the difference till I reach the stage where I am that pure choice less
awareness
