This was published in the Times NIE student edition in 2009
Whatever being a teacher entails, the profession is neither boring nor predictable. How can such an everyday affair such as an assembly that kick starts the normal school morning be so different everyday?
It all started when we teachers decided it was not enough if only the good smart children were given a chance to go onstage. It was just not fair.. The same children came on stage, kept giving lofty thoughts or recited poems, kept getting accolades. The good ones kept getting better while the “ordinary’ ones kept hiding their talents under the bushel,content to hide in the background, shivering at the thought of going on stage.
Then the school decided that the goal would be to bring each and every one on stage so that “stage fright” would be an unknown experience among Navkians.
Mornings found the timid truants rushing to school to polish up their News before they presented it to the school while others went the extra mile to go through various thoughts which could give their friends something to chew on.
But the fun began when it was the turn of the little children to come on stage. Here the energy was different. There was no fear, only excitement. And the excitement began two weeks earlier as tiny soldiers beat the drum to the tune of the National Anthem ably tutored by the teacher in charge of assembly. As strains of Sare jahan se accha.” would rent the air we at all ends of the school would know it was at 3 0’clock and the little ones were getting rady for the next morning’s programme. We began to look forward to the innocent faux pas they committed such as calling out to the ones who scrambled in late to join them on stage or their total, refreshing lack of self-consciousness often exhibited by their older school mates.
The highlight came when it was the time of Grade II to perform the Ramayana on stage.
A buzz of excitement went among the crowd as the little ones trickled down the stairs from their first floor classroom. Gorgeously attired courtiers from the court of Ram followed an intimidating Ravan and his group. The colourful costumes, the demure little Sita clad in an orange sari, Suparnaka with her school belt showing under her hastily tied sari, chubby hip little companions of Sita all had the crowd transfixed.
Then as Hanuman jumped up on stage, the junior school burst into giggles. This was followed by round-eyed wonder and glee when the war between Ram and Ravan started. Many of them must have been reminded about the WWW spars they had seen on TV. They waited eagerly for Ram to get to Ravan who was ably being guarded by a tiny little bodyguard.The body guard was doing his job well-so well infact that he forgot that he was to have fallen when hit by a club of Rams guard. He was so busy shooting out arrows at Ram that his opponent began to sweat as he gave a loud whisper of “Hey, you have to fall now.”
Undeterred the guard kept shooting arrows. Only when they finished did he remember that he had to fall so that the guard on the other side could attack Ravan.
By the time the little fellow fell down the school was in splits. By the time they wrapped up the play with a group song it was clear that these little ones who gave their 100% to what they did and who enjoyed and were so involved in whatever they did were the stars who had the ability by their sheer innocence to pull crowds.
Kudos to the children.I am sure there never was such a hilarious enactment of that well loved tale –one that will not easily be forgotten!
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Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Free to live, free to experience life.
I love working in a school.You can say I enjoy it next to writing.Though I often like to scream along with the childen out of sheer frustration as the noise level goes up, at the end of the day I go to bed happy.
The little ones especially are frank in expressing their opinion and you need no better critic to point out where you are lacking.Having said that they are the first ones to appreciate you even if you really goof up-as I did on Teachers day.
I have always suffered from stage fright.Well not always.I was at home on the stage ,singing or acting in plays, until I reached 7th grade when I was continuously berated for being over confident or over smart . The last straw came when I took part in a singing competition and my voice broke -a singer's worst nightmare.There stopped my love for the stage. Enter stage fear.Ever since I have always avoided the stage and squirmed out of any opportunity to give speeches, compere or conduct quizzes.
This teachers day I was forced on the stage along with other teachers and my class really suffocated me with their loving demands that I sing.Ofcourse I fumbled,my voice broke and I got all the lyrics mixed up.can you imagine a worse situation? it was as though I was living that day in 7th Grade again.But there was a difference.Staring up at me were not giggling judgemental faces of my classmates and a few teachers who taught me ,but accepting, adoring faces of the children I teach.To them it didnot matter if I croaked.Their teacher ws singing on stage and that was all that mattered.I think that it was then when they accepted me unconditionally, that that part of me that had got stuck in the 7th grade stage experience was released and healing took place.
That evening as I was going home, a little one from II grade came up to me and said,"ma'am you sang very sweetly.'
Does one need anything more motivation? And what about my stage fright? Well,it couldnot have got worse than that and yet if no one minded, why should I?
I also realised that people are so busy worrying about themselves they would not waste a moment thinking about my stage performance.
We are the centre of our own worlds and many of us worry unnecessarily about what others think of us.The reality is others are so caught up with managing their own lives that even if they take off the time to judge you, it may only be for a moment or two.
Maybe I won't volunteer to go stage but if the opportunity arises I may not shy away as I used to do all these days.For I have realised that those who take more time than 2 minutes of their lives to judge others are not worth worrying about. They need to do a lot of work on themselves so why should I bother my head about their opinions about me?
Either way all that matters is the experience I am having for that is the only thing I can control.Once I allow others to have their reactions and am not affected by it I can experience various things in this stage of life without being held back by fear.
I then really start to live
The little ones especially are frank in expressing their opinion and you need no better critic to point out where you are lacking.Having said that they are the first ones to appreciate you even if you really goof up-as I did on Teachers day.
I have always suffered from stage fright.Well not always.I was at home on the stage ,singing or acting in plays, until I reached 7th grade when I was continuously berated for being over confident or over smart . The last straw came when I took part in a singing competition and my voice broke -a singer's worst nightmare.There stopped my love for the stage. Enter stage fear.Ever since I have always avoided the stage and squirmed out of any opportunity to give speeches, compere or conduct quizzes.
This teachers day I was forced on the stage along with other teachers and my class really suffocated me with their loving demands that I sing.Ofcourse I fumbled,my voice broke and I got all the lyrics mixed up.can you imagine a worse situation? it was as though I was living that day in 7th Grade again.But there was a difference.Staring up at me were not giggling judgemental faces of my classmates and a few teachers who taught me ,but accepting, adoring faces of the children I teach.To them it didnot matter if I croaked.Their teacher ws singing on stage and that was all that mattered.I think that it was then when they accepted me unconditionally, that that part of me that had got stuck in the 7th grade stage experience was released and healing took place.
That evening as I was going home, a little one from II grade came up to me and said,"ma'am you sang very sweetly.'
Does one need anything more motivation? And what about my stage fright? Well,it couldnot have got worse than that and yet if no one minded, why should I?
I also realised that people are so busy worrying about themselves they would not waste a moment thinking about my stage performance.
We are the centre of our own worlds and many of us worry unnecessarily about what others think of us.The reality is others are so caught up with managing their own lives that even if they take off the time to judge you, it may only be for a moment or two.
Maybe I won't volunteer to go stage but if the opportunity arises I may not shy away as I used to do all these days.For I have realised that those who take more time than 2 minutes of their lives to judge others are not worth worrying about. They need to do a lot of work on themselves so why should I bother my head about their opinions about me?
Either way all that matters is the experience I am having for that is the only thing I can control.Once I allow others to have their reactions and am not affected by it I can experience various things in this stage of life without being held back by fear.
I then really start to live
Monday, April 26, 2010
Uncovering the soul
Published in Life Positive December 2009
Uncovering the soul
Dated: in the now
Dear Soul
“Isn’t the soul already healed? Why then do we need healing?” was the question you posed when I spoke to you about healing. Well you’re right! The soul is healed, whole and complete. What needs healing is not the soul but the body, mind and intellect.
As we heal these three equipments we peel off various layers. As we peel off various layers what is left is our deepest and true self -the soul. This soul which has been muffled up and hidden by the various layers of our false self is now able to shine and express itself in all its glory.
This reminds me of what Shankaracharya used to say. Once you negate what you are not (neti,neti-I am not this) what is left is who you really are- the soul.
Layer 1-The Body
"I am not the body,” is a phrase many mediators use to help them centre themselves. I am not the body but I have this body as an equipment which helps me express the qualities of my true self .I need to do my utmost to keep this equipment in good working condition. I heal the body of its various ailments, not only because it gives me a sense of well being but also because I owe it to my maker to keep this temple pure and be the best I can be so that His light may shine forth. Paying too much attention to the body is as great a hindrance to healing as paying too little attention to it. The ideal approach would be to treat it with due respect and love but with supreme detachment knowing whatever affects the body does not affect your true self –the soul. In fact to heal yourself when in the midst of an illness look at your body as though it belongs to someone else. Then detach yourself from the pain. Watch it, be aware of it, feel the pain completely but keep affirming that the pain will come and go just as waves ebb and flow. It has no hold over you for you are God and God cannot be sick. This requires a lot of practice and commitment but if you keep at it, the results are astounding. I tried this recently and was surprised at the strength I got to go through a migraine attack. The pain continued but underlying it was a sense of peace in the midst of pain. What was this peace I felt when my body was in agony? How could I experience this peace unless I was something more than my body? I had a tough time with the migraine but I knew healing had started, for the thought I was more than my body had been established in my mind.
You need to keep working at detaching from the pain. Once you come to a supreme level of detachment where all bodily functions cease to affect you, you have zeroed in to your soul. This is what Ramakrishna Paramahansa and Ramana Maharishi experienced.
Layer 2- The Emotions.
The body is but the tip of the ice berg. Your emotional baggage is another matter altogether.
For one you don’t see it and for another it catches you unawares. Eckart Tolle calls negative emotions as the pain body .This pain body is all negative energy you have not addressed and faced. The problem with this baggage is that it springs forth into action when you are at your most vulnerable. It is difficult to subdue this pain body when you are caught up in it. That is why you need to do a lot of home work before it attacks. Here is where meditation plays a vital role. When you still yourself, you are then in a position to witness or be aware of your personalities expressions. It helps then to think of a situation which triggers your pain body. Let’s take a situation which we encounter in our day to day lives – that of being constantly judged by others. In a moment of quietness with yourself, witness this situation in your mind’s eye. Then chalk out the appropriate response you would like to give when that situation next arises. You can be sure that the situation will arise soon so that you can resolve it. This is the holy moment of healing. If you find you are caught up in the anger the pain body releases when someone passes a derogatory remark, don’t resist the feeling. Accept it. Feel it fully. See how it affects your body. As you watch yourself without any judgement, the feelings will subside. They may arise again but with less intensity. Then release the emotion with the firm belief and knowing that “I am not this emotion. I am the essence of the body, mind and intellect. I am the one in control. I have a choice of how to respond and what to do with this emotion. I choose to let it go.” Then perhaps you will be able to tackle the situation with love. You may be able to speak to the offending person in peace.
The Sedona method started by Larry Crane tells you to drop the emotion just as you drop a pencil. All it needs is a decision-your decision. It is because you hold on to a pencil that the pencil remains in your hand. The minute you let it fall, it goes away. Same with your emotions. Your emotions latch on to you because you hold on to them. Accept they are there, feel them, watch them and know you have the power to let them drop just as easily as you would let a pencil drop.
Feelings are the language with which our soul communicates with the universe so it does serve us to nurture positive feelings and emotions and uncovers the light of our selves, our souls.
Layer 3- Our thoughts
Why do we have the emotions we have? Well emotions are nothing but energy in motion. The energy of our thoughts in motion. So the source of our emotions is our thoughts. That is why we have to heal the mind and peel off the thick layers of negative thinking. If I have a thought that things should be a certain way-that I should not be judged by anyone, or that no one should talk ill about me, I will naturally get emotional when someone says something bad about me. So here it will serve us to release all thoughts we have about how things ought to be. Once the mind is free of the traffic of thought, there is more space for the soul to express Itself in a new and fresh manner. For this we use the same method. We watch each thought without judgment and know we are the master of the mind. We then allow only healthy thoughts to pass through the portals of our mind. We are unaffected and that gives us the space to examine the judgments and take necessary action if we find there is some truth in them.
Layer 4-Our beliefs
But what colours our thoughts? Where do they come from? They come from our deep subconscious belief in things. Our core beliefs. The most important belief we hold is our belief about the nature of the Universe. If you believe the universe is out to attack you, your thoughts will be that of fear, your emotions will reflect this fear and you will act it out through your body language and interactions with others in negative ways. Just change your belief from separation to oneness and see your world do a somersault. You know deep in your heart that since you are one with All That is, you are safe and pure and so are the others. This belief translates into clear and healthy thoughts. Such healing thoughts of joy bring feelings of peace and joy and you act in the world in a joyful manner thus producing and attracting more and more good in your life.
Once you believe that you are God’s representative on earth, know that you have healed and peeled off many of your wrong beliefs, thoughts emotions and body consciousness, you are at the end of your journey. You have reached that part of you that is eternal and immortal, that is one with Source that is whole, healed and complete and needs no healing. Till you reach that place go on uncovering and healing your illusionary layers. Sounds tough? But that is what the adventure of Life is all about!
We are – God in action
Just affirm I AM THAT. Once you affirm and believe in this, the rest will soon fall in place.
Continue to heal yourself and just see how you enjoy the adventure of your life.
With love and light
I am that I am.
Uncovering the soul
Dated: in the now
Dear Soul
“Isn’t the soul already healed? Why then do we need healing?” was the question you posed when I spoke to you about healing. Well you’re right! The soul is healed, whole and complete. What needs healing is not the soul but the body, mind and intellect.
As we heal these three equipments we peel off various layers. As we peel off various layers what is left is our deepest and true self -the soul. This soul which has been muffled up and hidden by the various layers of our false self is now able to shine and express itself in all its glory.
This reminds me of what Shankaracharya used to say. Once you negate what you are not (neti,neti-I am not this) what is left is who you really are- the soul.
Layer 1-The Body
"I am not the body,” is a phrase many mediators use to help them centre themselves. I am not the body but I have this body as an equipment which helps me express the qualities of my true self .I need to do my utmost to keep this equipment in good working condition. I heal the body of its various ailments, not only because it gives me a sense of well being but also because I owe it to my maker to keep this temple pure and be the best I can be so that His light may shine forth. Paying too much attention to the body is as great a hindrance to healing as paying too little attention to it. The ideal approach would be to treat it with due respect and love but with supreme detachment knowing whatever affects the body does not affect your true self –the soul. In fact to heal yourself when in the midst of an illness look at your body as though it belongs to someone else. Then detach yourself from the pain. Watch it, be aware of it, feel the pain completely but keep affirming that the pain will come and go just as waves ebb and flow. It has no hold over you for you are God and God cannot be sick. This requires a lot of practice and commitment but if you keep at it, the results are astounding. I tried this recently and was surprised at the strength I got to go through a migraine attack. The pain continued but underlying it was a sense of peace in the midst of pain. What was this peace I felt when my body was in agony? How could I experience this peace unless I was something more than my body? I had a tough time with the migraine but I knew healing had started, for the thought I was more than my body had been established in my mind.
You need to keep working at detaching from the pain. Once you come to a supreme level of detachment where all bodily functions cease to affect you, you have zeroed in to your soul. This is what Ramakrishna Paramahansa and Ramana Maharishi experienced.
Layer 2- The Emotions.
The body is but the tip of the ice berg. Your emotional baggage is another matter altogether.
For one you don’t see it and for another it catches you unawares. Eckart Tolle calls negative emotions as the pain body .This pain body is all negative energy you have not addressed and faced. The problem with this baggage is that it springs forth into action when you are at your most vulnerable. It is difficult to subdue this pain body when you are caught up in it. That is why you need to do a lot of home work before it attacks. Here is where meditation plays a vital role. When you still yourself, you are then in a position to witness or be aware of your personalities expressions. It helps then to think of a situation which triggers your pain body. Let’s take a situation which we encounter in our day to day lives – that of being constantly judged by others. In a moment of quietness with yourself, witness this situation in your mind’s eye. Then chalk out the appropriate response you would like to give when that situation next arises. You can be sure that the situation will arise soon so that you can resolve it. This is the holy moment of healing. If you find you are caught up in the anger the pain body releases when someone passes a derogatory remark, don’t resist the feeling. Accept it. Feel it fully. See how it affects your body. As you watch yourself without any judgement, the feelings will subside. They may arise again but with less intensity. Then release the emotion with the firm belief and knowing that “I am not this emotion. I am the essence of the body, mind and intellect. I am the one in control. I have a choice of how to respond and what to do with this emotion. I choose to let it go.” Then perhaps you will be able to tackle the situation with love. You may be able to speak to the offending person in peace.
The Sedona method started by Larry Crane tells you to drop the emotion just as you drop a pencil. All it needs is a decision-your decision. It is because you hold on to a pencil that the pencil remains in your hand. The minute you let it fall, it goes away. Same with your emotions. Your emotions latch on to you because you hold on to them. Accept they are there, feel them, watch them and know you have the power to let them drop just as easily as you would let a pencil drop.
Feelings are the language with which our soul communicates with the universe so it does serve us to nurture positive feelings and emotions and uncovers the light of our selves, our souls.
Layer 3- Our thoughts
Why do we have the emotions we have? Well emotions are nothing but energy in motion. The energy of our thoughts in motion. So the source of our emotions is our thoughts. That is why we have to heal the mind and peel off the thick layers of negative thinking. If I have a thought that things should be a certain way-that I should not be judged by anyone, or that no one should talk ill about me, I will naturally get emotional when someone says something bad about me. So here it will serve us to release all thoughts we have about how things ought to be. Once the mind is free of the traffic of thought, there is more space for the soul to express Itself in a new and fresh manner. For this we use the same method. We watch each thought without judgment and know we are the master of the mind. We then allow only healthy thoughts to pass through the portals of our mind. We are unaffected and that gives us the space to examine the judgments and take necessary action if we find there is some truth in them.
Layer 4-Our beliefs
But what colours our thoughts? Where do they come from? They come from our deep subconscious belief in things. Our core beliefs. The most important belief we hold is our belief about the nature of the Universe. If you believe the universe is out to attack you, your thoughts will be that of fear, your emotions will reflect this fear and you will act it out through your body language and interactions with others in negative ways. Just change your belief from separation to oneness and see your world do a somersault. You know deep in your heart that since you are one with All That is, you are safe and pure and so are the others. This belief translates into clear and healthy thoughts. Such healing thoughts of joy bring feelings of peace and joy and you act in the world in a joyful manner thus producing and attracting more and more good in your life.
Once you believe that you are God’s representative on earth, know that you have healed and peeled off many of your wrong beliefs, thoughts emotions and body consciousness, you are at the end of your journey. You have reached that part of you that is eternal and immortal, that is one with Source that is whole, healed and complete and needs no healing. Till you reach that place go on uncovering and healing your illusionary layers. Sounds tough? But that is what the adventure of Life is all about!
We are – God in action
Just affirm I AM THAT. Once you affirm and believe in this, the rest will soon fall in place.
Continue to heal yourself and just see how you enjoy the adventure of your life.
With love and light
I am that I am.
I AM THAT I AM
Published in Life Positive ,September 2009 issue
Dated: In the Now
Dear Soul
I know you must be puzzled by the fact that I end my letters with this famous line from the Old Testament. These are the words spoken by God to Moses. Well, my life has changed radically ever since I started using this phrase or shall I say mantra? I sometimes substitute it for “I AM that which I choose to be each moment” or “I am that which I am”. It works like magic every time and creates a shift in my being, reminding me of my divinity instantly. Let me tell you how it helped me with my interface with Old Man Ego, over the question of healing.
I’ve always wanted to be a healer. (Haven’t we all?) Most of us look upon healing as something that someone else can bestow on us or we can bestow on somebody. This was the very experience I had-until recently.
I did various things in order to be a healer. I was filled with the desire to heal, to be a Blessing, to affect someone’s life. To achieve this I ran from pillar to post .Any healing workshop, any Guru coming to town and I was there. I am not saying that all this did not help me. They did enormously. But the mistake I made was in thinking that I had to do these things. I had to get a darshan of this great guru, I had to visit mountain shrines, I had to read this book on healing, I had to get my hands on that latest book by this author. Well, caught up in this grind of Have to dos I found that along with all the knowledge I got, I was also accumulating a lot of stress. Was I being a healer then when I was so stressed? Nope. Naturally I was being the opposite- a kill joy .Tension blocked all my energy and allowed no space for healing to flow through.
Further as I lapped up all the knowledge, I became even more confused. Perhaps I needed to get this initiation or that one in order to have dramatic healings. My self esteem plummeted further as I found I was not clairvoyant like this healer or psychic like the next. The Ego in me only added fuel to the raging fire by asking “Now what? Where are the results?”
“I must be doing something wrong of course” I thought and Old Man Ego, ever ready to lend a hand, pointed out that I could not possibly be a healer when I myself needed healing. “First work on yourself.” It admonished. “Then when you are healed you can heal others.”
So then began the next round of feverish activity. I dropped all efforts to heal others and concentrated on healing myself. Hours of meditation and healing sessions with myself replaced all the outer healing activities but I was no closer to the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. The feverish running around after others had only been replaced by an urgent obsession with myself. Life did not improve much. Still no miracle healings. Disgusted I threw in the towel. I was exhausted with trying and doing. In sheer desperation I gave it all up, the need to heal, the need to meditate, the need even to serve. I just let it go. I was suddenly at a place where if I died without healing and being healed it was quite okay. In dying to my ego I was suddenly flowing with life. Maybe I was not a healer but I was a much happier person now!
It then hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course as long as Old Man Ego held the reins and made me think I could be a healer ,I would never be at peace nor enjoy or express myself. One can only be a channel for healing to flow through and it is for the supreme to be the Healer. Even the need to serve was an offshoot of the ego. It was the ego which wanted to feel important as a healer or a lightworker.It was the ego that wanted to be a “meditator.”Of course it was good to meditate for it helped me quieten myself so as to hear the whispers of my soul, but even getting obsessed about that only meant the Ego had slipped in.
What would the soul do then? I wondered, not feverishly but in quiet wonder. Bang came the answer. The soul would just bask in beingness- being whatever it is each moment. It would not hop around searching for people to heal or help. It would just go with the flow, lapping up the experiences Life brought it. It would perhaps say what God said I am That I am. If life brought along some opportunity to share its light, the soul would willingly heal or serve just as an expression of who It is. Life would be one big meditation .It was then that I adopted this mantra of acceptance. I am that I am.
“Let me accept each moment peacefully. Suppose it’s okay if I don’t rush to this workshop. Suppose it’s okay if I am not able to heal this person’s pain. Suppose it is okay if my heart breaks for the other person and I just feel the pain and admit I don’t know how to comfort. Suppose all I need to do is love people for who they are, allow them to be that which they are while I am being that which I am? Suppose I don’t even need anything. I just have to express who I am; experience whatever comes my way, with every cell of my being, trying only to make a higher choice each time. Suppose I go one step forward and include myself among those I love-even on those days when I am not so lovable, when I am tired and irritated and complaining and controlling. Suppose that too is okay as it is just what I am experiencing myself to be at that given moment?
Interestingly enough as soon as I started using this mantra, I read a piece by Walsch author of the CWG series which read …”.Werner Erhard, creator of est, used to put this in his own unique way. "Obviously," he said, pointing at something or referencing something, "this is What's So. Not so obviously, it's also So What?" “
Erhard was saying so what instead of my “Suppose it is okay” but both meant the same thing- acceptance of things as they are. Byron Katie author of “Loving what is” has made acceptance a way of life. She joyfully accepted a diagnosis of cancer and her mother’s death. She even looked at the man who attacked her with a gun with joy, acceptance and gratitude. The bemused man just stared and left her alone. Coming back to Walsh again, he says that if God can be imagined as having a personality, God would be accepting and blessing. He says that the greatest secret to life is that once one accepts any condition and then blesses it, he transforms the condition, for, his accepting and blessing energy shifts the energy of the condition itself. Maybe that is why God told Moses I am that I am, that is, I accept and enjoy all that I am, each moment.
Once I did not want to do or achieve anything great but was happy being That which I am, healing began to flow. There was nothing I needed to do. All I had to do is to Be- Be available, be open so that the only Healer in the world could flow thru me and touch others .I am a channel for healing to flow through when I am completely accepting of both my dark and light sides for it is a part of the human experience. When I accept all that I am I am being healed!
Using the I am that I am mantra in my life made me more accepting and brought me to a place where I embraced my ego instead of fighting it .That means not hating myself and becoming tense on those days my Ego took the driver’s seat. In keeping with the secret given above, I found that the minute I embraced and accepted the role that the ego played in my life, I quickly slid back to my true self. Once you raise your vibration with acceptance you can go on to make higher choices and of course the highest choice would always be Love.
AND Let me tell you Love is the greatest healer. Do you too want to heal anybody? All you need to do is send them your love. That highest energy will automatically carry your healing to them.
With love and light
I Am that I am.
Dated: In the Now
Dear Soul
I know you must be puzzled by the fact that I end my letters with this famous line from the Old Testament. These are the words spoken by God to Moses. Well, my life has changed radically ever since I started using this phrase or shall I say mantra? I sometimes substitute it for “I AM that which I choose to be each moment” or “I am that which I am”. It works like magic every time and creates a shift in my being, reminding me of my divinity instantly. Let me tell you how it helped me with my interface with Old Man Ego, over the question of healing.
I’ve always wanted to be a healer. (Haven’t we all?) Most of us look upon healing as something that someone else can bestow on us or we can bestow on somebody. This was the very experience I had-until recently.
I did various things in order to be a healer. I was filled with the desire to heal, to be a Blessing, to affect someone’s life. To achieve this I ran from pillar to post .Any healing workshop, any Guru coming to town and I was there. I am not saying that all this did not help me. They did enormously. But the mistake I made was in thinking that I had to do these things. I had to get a darshan of this great guru, I had to visit mountain shrines, I had to read this book on healing, I had to get my hands on that latest book by this author. Well, caught up in this grind of Have to dos I found that along with all the knowledge I got, I was also accumulating a lot of stress. Was I being a healer then when I was so stressed? Nope. Naturally I was being the opposite- a kill joy .Tension blocked all my energy and allowed no space for healing to flow through.
Further as I lapped up all the knowledge, I became even more confused. Perhaps I needed to get this initiation or that one in order to have dramatic healings. My self esteem plummeted further as I found I was not clairvoyant like this healer or psychic like the next. The Ego in me only added fuel to the raging fire by asking “Now what? Where are the results?”
“I must be doing something wrong of course” I thought and Old Man Ego, ever ready to lend a hand, pointed out that I could not possibly be a healer when I myself needed healing. “First work on yourself.” It admonished. “Then when you are healed you can heal others.”
So then began the next round of feverish activity. I dropped all efforts to heal others and concentrated on healing myself. Hours of meditation and healing sessions with myself replaced all the outer healing activities but I was no closer to the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. The feverish running around after others had only been replaced by an urgent obsession with myself. Life did not improve much. Still no miracle healings. Disgusted I threw in the towel. I was exhausted with trying and doing. In sheer desperation I gave it all up, the need to heal, the need to meditate, the need even to serve. I just let it go. I was suddenly at a place where if I died without healing and being healed it was quite okay. In dying to my ego I was suddenly flowing with life. Maybe I was not a healer but I was a much happier person now!
It then hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course as long as Old Man Ego held the reins and made me think I could be a healer ,I would never be at peace nor enjoy or express myself. One can only be a channel for healing to flow through and it is for the supreme to be the Healer. Even the need to serve was an offshoot of the ego. It was the ego which wanted to feel important as a healer or a lightworker.It was the ego that wanted to be a “meditator.”Of course it was good to meditate for it helped me quieten myself so as to hear the whispers of my soul, but even getting obsessed about that only meant the Ego had slipped in.
What would the soul do then? I wondered, not feverishly but in quiet wonder. Bang came the answer. The soul would just bask in beingness- being whatever it is each moment. It would not hop around searching for people to heal or help. It would just go with the flow, lapping up the experiences Life brought it. It would perhaps say what God said I am That I am. If life brought along some opportunity to share its light, the soul would willingly heal or serve just as an expression of who It is. Life would be one big meditation .It was then that I adopted this mantra of acceptance. I am that I am.
“Let me accept each moment peacefully. Suppose it’s okay if I don’t rush to this workshop. Suppose it’s okay if I am not able to heal this person’s pain. Suppose it is okay if my heart breaks for the other person and I just feel the pain and admit I don’t know how to comfort. Suppose all I need to do is love people for who they are, allow them to be that which they are while I am being that which I am? Suppose I don’t even need anything. I just have to express who I am; experience whatever comes my way, with every cell of my being, trying only to make a higher choice each time. Suppose I go one step forward and include myself among those I love-even on those days when I am not so lovable, when I am tired and irritated and complaining and controlling. Suppose that too is okay as it is just what I am experiencing myself to be at that given moment?
Interestingly enough as soon as I started using this mantra, I read a piece by Walsch author of the CWG series which read …”.Werner Erhard, creator of est, used to put this in his own unique way. "Obviously," he said, pointing at something or referencing something, "this is What's So. Not so obviously, it's also So What?" “
Erhard was saying so what instead of my “Suppose it is okay” but both meant the same thing- acceptance of things as they are. Byron Katie author of “Loving what is” has made acceptance a way of life. She joyfully accepted a diagnosis of cancer and her mother’s death. She even looked at the man who attacked her with a gun with joy, acceptance and gratitude. The bemused man just stared and left her alone. Coming back to Walsh again, he says that if God can be imagined as having a personality, God would be accepting and blessing. He says that the greatest secret to life is that once one accepts any condition and then blesses it, he transforms the condition, for, his accepting and blessing energy shifts the energy of the condition itself. Maybe that is why God told Moses I am that I am, that is, I accept and enjoy all that I am, each moment.
Once I did not want to do or achieve anything great but was happy being That which I am, healing began to flow. There was nothing I needed to do. All I had to do is to Be- Be available, be open so that the only Healer in the world could flow thru me and touch others .I am a channel for healing to flow through when I am completely accepting of both my dark and light sides for it is a part of the human experience. When I accept all that I am I am being healed!
Using the I am that I am mantra in my life made me more accepting and brought me to a place where I embraced my ego instead of fighting it .That means not hating myself and becoming tense on those days my Ego took the driver’s seat. In keeping with the secret given above, I found that the minute I embraced and accepted the role that the ego played in my life, I quickly slid back to my true self. Once you raise your vibration with acceptance you can go on to make higher choices and of course the highest choice would always be Love.
AND Let me tell you Love is the greatest healer. Do you too want to heal anybody? All you need to do is send them your love. That highest energy will automatically carry your healing to them.
With love and light
I Am that I am.
Letters from one soul to another.
This is the first of a series of letters written by one seeking soul to another.First published in Life positive July 2009 issue
Dear Soul
Dated: In the Now
Why Creation?
“What is creation? Why did God create the world?” These are questions any thinking person asks. This question has been haunting me too and it made me embark on a journey that still continues-a journey into timelessness, a great adventure into lands hitherto unexplored by my mind.
Another question we often ask ourselves in despair is, “If God is a loving God why did He create such a mess? Why doesn’t He do something about the world?”
The answer to the first part of the question is simply that creation is just a projection of Pure Being’s desire to experience Itself as the magnificent being it is.
The answer to the second part of the question is that God did not make the world as it is today. He created us and out of His love He gave us free will. We did the rest- created our own monstrous version of the world. Still He continues to send us messengers to show us the way back.
To understand this let’s begin at the very beginning.
Before creation there was only All That Is-ParaBrahman.This unmanifest aspect of God was Pure Being. This great Being knew It was magnificent. It had a desire to experience Its magnificence. (To understand the difference between knowing and experiencing consider the example of honey. Now to know what honey is and to experience it are two different things altogether, aren’t they?) Then this Being hit upon a breathtaking idea as to how to experience Its own glory. The idea of creating was so great that It just exploded with joy-our Big bang, if you please. It split into pieces and thus out of the pieces began creation as Brahman’s Being welled up with love for parts of Itself it could see apart from Itself .From Being It had started becoming and experiencing .
The Rig Veda puts it like this.
“In the beginning
There was neither existence nor non existence
All this world was unmanifest energy…
The one breathed, without breath, by Its own power
Nothing else was there…”
To create, Parabrahm withdrew a part of Itself and created a void. Now one of the parts of Parabrahm that had split became a Creator. It or rather He moved into the void and began creating outwards from Himself. Like a spider that spins a web from its own body the Creator sent out or projected parts of Himself, call it spirit children, souls or just all of us. You may be wondering why I changed the pronoun referring to the divine from It to He. The reason is that Nirguna Parabrahm is genderless. Gender comes into the picture when It projects two polarities of Itself-the Creator which is the masculine acting force we all refer to as God the Father and the Nurturer, the feminine receiving principle called the Divine Mother. The Goddess was infact the divine presence of the Creator or the light the Creator called upon, (the Biblical “let there be light”) when he started creating in the darkness of the void. This feminine principle of creation is known as Shekinah in Kabbalist traditions,Devi in Hinduism or just the Jaganmatha of creation .
The rest of creation came about due to the interaction of these two polarities. This is depicted by the Tai chi symbol of yin and yang which shows that the
Feminine and masculine need to complement each other perfectly for creation to be balanced and harmonious.
Creation thus began with a thought in the mind of the Creator. The feminine principle lay dormant until the idea of the Creator acted on her. Creation is the result of the interaction of these two polarities. The Shivling is but another symbol of this.
Everything else in creation came about when the Mother acted out the idea of the Father. So everything in this world is the Mother in action. She is the intelligence behind the matrix of our world. We as androgynous souls are but extensions of the mother and father.
To understand why the world is in this condition we must realize that everything in creation is energy vibrating at different speeds and frequencies. When the Creator created the physical world at a lower frequency than what He was, He also created the opposite of Himself. He extended Himself to the farthest extent that He could go till He could experience all that was the opposite of Him. So we now have a spectrum with two polarities. Love is closest to Creator. It is the energy He is made up of and fear is at the farthest end -the energy got from lowering His vibrations to the level totally opposite to and farthest from His Being that he could conceive of. In between lay scope for various experiences, various adventures.
Well, the Fall happened when God’s extensions began experimenting with the polarity of fear. Souls began to experiment too much with the physical environment, our earth, which was at a lower vibration. They also operated from fear and as they got caught in physical pleasures they left their right brains behind. They soon forgot their oneness with Source. Thus as separation and fear took over, the egoist thought form was born.
The rest is history. We souls who are all in this great adventure together have traveled down the spectrum quite a bit and have misused our divine powers of creation to create the world that we see today. Some souls who really went the whole way to the end of the spectrum are so lost that they engage themselves in dark activities which are self destructive. They too are parts of God who have forgotten They are That
Some of us are making the way home. Ascension is the soul’s journey back home to oneness. Though it may take time to wind up the ball we unraveled as we made use of our free will to experiment along the spectrum, the journey back begins with one thought “I am God”
I hope this month you will work on removing thoughts of separation and replacing them with thoughts of oneness.
At all times in all situations just tell yourself what our sages told us ages ago, Aham Brahmasmi , I AM THAT and then act as though you are that-and see your world change.
With love and light
I Am that I am.
Dear Soul
Dated: In the Now
Why Creation?
“What is creation? Why did God create the world?” These are questions any thinking person asks. This question has been haunting me too and it made me embark on a journey that still continues-a journey into timelessness, a great adventure into lands hitherto unexplored by my mind.
Another question we often ask ourselves in despair is, “If God is a loving God why did He create such a mess? Why doesn’t He do something about the world?”
The answer to the first part of the question is simply that creation is just a projection of Pure Being’s desire to experience Itself as the magnificent being it is.
The answer to the second part of the question is that God did not make the world as it is today. He created us and out of His love He gave us free will. We did the rest- created our own monstrous version of the world. Still He continues to send us messengers to show us the way back.
To understand this let’s begin at the very beginning.
Before creation there was only All That Is-ParaBrahman.This unmanifest aspect of God was Pure Being. This great Being knew It was magnificent. It had a desire to experience Its magnificence. (To understand the difference between knowing and experiencing consider the example of honey. Now to know what honey is and to experience it are two different things altogether, aren’t they?) Then this Being hit upon a breathtaking idea as to how to experience Its own glory. The idea of creating was so great that It just exploded with joy-our Big bang, if you please. It split into pieces and thus out of the pieces began creation as Brahman’s Being welled up with love for parts of Itself it could see apart from Itself .From Being It had started becoming and experiencing .
The Rig Veda puts it like this.
“In the beginning
There was neither existence nor non existence
All this world was unmanifest energy…
The one breathed, without breath, by Its own power
Nothing else was there…”
To create, Parabrahm withdrew a part of Itself and created a void. Now one of the parts of Parabrahm that had split became a Creator. It or rather He moved into the void and began creating outwards from Himself. Like a spider that spins a web from its own body the Creator sent out or projected parts of Himself, call it spirit children, souls or just all of us. You may be wondering why I changed the pronoun referring to the divine from It to He. The reason is that Nirguna Parabrahm is genderless. Gender comes into the picture when It projects two polarities of Itself-the Creator which is the masculine acting force we all refer to as God the Father and the Nurturer, the feminine receiving principle called the Divine Mother. The Goddess was infact the divine presence of the Creator or the light the Creator called upon, (the Biblical “let there be light”) when he started creating in the darkness of the void. This feminine principle of creation is known as Shekinah in Kabbalist traditions,Devi in Hinduism or just the Jaganmatha of creation .
The rest of creation came about due to the interaction of these two polarities. This is depicted by the Tai chi symbol of yin and yang which shows that the
Feminine and masculine need to complement each other perfectly for creation to be balanced and harmonious.
Creation thus began with a thought in the mind of the Creator. The feminine principle lay dormant until the idea of the Creator acted on her. Creation is the result of the interaction of these two polarities. The Shivling is but another symbol of this.
Everything else in creation came about when the Mother acted out the idea of the Father. So everything in this world is the Mother in action. She is the intelligence behind the matrix of our world. We as androgynous souls are but extensions of the mother and father.
To understand why the world is in this condition we must realize that everything in creation is energy vibrating at different speeds and frequencies. When the Creator created the physical world at a lower frequency than what He was, He also created the opposite of Himself. He extended Himself to the farthest extent that He could go till He could experience all that was the opposite of Him. So we now have a spectrum with two polarities. Love is closest to Creator. It is the energy He is made up of and fear is at the farthest end -the energy got from lowering His vibrations to the level totally opposite to and farthest from His Being that he could conceive of. In between lay scope for various experiences, various adventures.
Well, the Fall happened when God’s extensions began experimenting with the polarity of fear. Souls began to experiment too much with the physical environment, our earth, which was at a lower vibration. They also operated from fear and as they got caught in physical pleasures they left their right brains behind. They soon forgot their oneness with Source. Thus as separation and fear took over, the egoist thought form was born.
The rest is history. We souls who are all in this great adventure together have traveled down the spectrum quite a bit and have misused our divine powers of creation to create the world that we see today. Some souls who really went the whole way to the end of the spectrum are so lost that they engage themselves in dark activities which are self destructive. They too are parts of God who have forgotten They are That
Some of us are making the way home. Ascension is the soul’s journey back home to oneness. Though it may take time to wind up the ball we unraveled as we made use of our free will to experiment along the spectrum, the journey back begins with one thought “I am God”
I hope this month you will work on removing thoughts of separation and replacing them with thoughts of oneness.
At all times in all situations just tell yourself what our sages told us ages ago, Aham Brahmasmi , I AM THAT and then act as though you are that-and see your world change.
With love and light
I Am that I am.
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