The Divine mother- The material face of god.

Pub in Life positive April2010.

I have always been a harum scarum person whenever it came to organization and cleanliness. I always thought I had better things to do than clean my home and do house work. Cleaning the house and doing other chores like cooking, washing and tidying were things which would eat up into my time. I thought that the time I spent doing all these “useless things’ should be spent profitably meditating, reading and writing.

There was a time a few years back when I woke up only with one thought in my mind. Meditation. I need to meditate, I would tell myself and then would begin a frenzy of activity as I bundled up all the chores into an hour or two so that I would have the rest of the morning to do what I loved best. Commune with The ALL. Indeed one day my sister did suggest practically and sardonically ‘Talk to God by all means but clean the house too. Talk and clean.” But cooking and cleaning were things I abhorred and I toyed with the idea of hiring the services of a cook cum maid. But cooks and maids don’t come easily in a place like Bangalore so I scrubbed and cooked complaining and grumbling.

One day in frustration I asked myself “Why on earth did God invent a stomach. We wouldn’t have had to toil like this if it weren’t for the stomach that always needs to be filled. Why do I need to do these jobs?”

 Well, the universe has a way of answering your heartfelt questions .Imagine my astonishment when I opened my mail later that day to have a message stare me in the face. It was a newsletter from a spiritual organization that I had subscribed to and the message that day was “You chose to come to earth, you chose this life. You could have lived in the other planes but you chose the routine jobs of the earth to learn a lesson.” It was as though I had been given a blow in my solar plexus. Obviously every word I spoke and thought was being heard by someone- call it Higher self, or Guru or Master or the universe. That presence had really given me an answer at the right time.

I would like to say this made me turn a new leaf and made me a perfect homemaker. Things aren’t so easy. I had to work at it, work at doing the chores with a positive attitude, till one day I realized that that too was part of my spirituality. The physical is not separated from the Spiritual. They are two faces of the same coin. Since there is only the One, the physical aspect of life is just another face of God- the feminine one while the spiritual aspect is the masculine aspect of God the father

Reading Aurobindo’s work also inspired me as he says all life is yoga. I realized that when I was doing insignificant jobs like cooking and cleaning I was still communing with The All, for when I do it with a good attitude I am doing gods business. The Mother spoke of how nothing in life should be treated as insignificant. And how one should do small and big things with the same energy. If you remember Mother Teresa also spoke of “ doing small things with great love” Maybe this is what Masters mean when they say that you need to give your 100% to every thing you do- not a common occurrence in this age when multi tasking has become the order of the day. I too was a multi tasker and would throw clothes in the machine while rushing to the stove to stir the curry and then run to take in the clothes from the clothes line  and  try to squeeze in a bit of television as well. No wonder I hated my household chores.

My life began to fall into balance once I began my relationship with the Divine Mother.

Saraswathi has always been my favorite goddess and the works of Aurobindo and The Mother made me  do some thinking when they said that Saraswathi meant not only creativity but also perfection.

Where does perfection come in? We are co creators with Her. When we misqualify the energy and light that comes to us from our Source, what results is imperfection. Imperfection is a messy house, burnt food, and a tense homemaker juggling three or four jobs at one go, trying to live up to the term alpha female. Hurry, anxiety, non acceptance are not of the light nor is disorder, untidiness and indifference to the material aspect. God as the Mother is reflected in the material world and She is perfection, Sathya even though we like to call Her Maya

Small wonder that once you adore her and tune into her, She will transform you so that you cannot help but reflect those qualities. She, the greatest Lakshmi is all about Beauty and Grace and Perfection. If you can multitask without feeling anxious, that is the right thing for you to do but if like me, you find yourself torn apart, it means you are not reflecting the perfect light of the Mother. Somewhere down the line we need to step back and ask ourselves what we want in life. The Mother’s light or the Ego’s imperfections.

Now I just cannot stand the sight of an untidy house. It is funny how the things I used to overlook like newspapers on the sofa or tumblers on the table makes me go back and clean up- not with frenzy that things should be perfect but with an inborn desire for beauty.At the same time when these things are beyond my control I accept it gracefully knowing help is on the way from the Divine Mother

I still would never dream of moving to a bigger house or adding a larger car to my list of possessions but what I would love to do is add tiny artifacts of beauty to the house-for I now know my surrounding reflects who I am in the inner.

Now I don’t meditate for hours. I try to make my life a meditation. I try to give each job the importance and energy it requires but if I am pressed for time, I do try to do two or more things at the same time for I know that to be a rigid perfectionist is just going to the other extreme and I need to take life as it comes.

I have realized the need for balance in my life, balance between work, creativity, home, family and meditation so that I can move more easily into the wholeness that I am.  Want to make your life work. There are two ways of going about it. Try to dio it yourself with sweat and toil- or tune in to The Cosmic Mother and have Her carry you along in Her Grace. I chose the latter and now when I do my chores I just don’t feel like complaining. Through Her grace I am slowly coming to see it as another part of the adventure of life. Maybe a time will come when I shall wake up every morning eager to take on the household chores and give them the same energy I give to my writing. Knowing the Divine mother I would not be surprised.

A Beautiful Mind

Pub in Life Positive 2009

 “Hey Gili! It’s been quite a while since I have poured out my heart to you.

I have been so caught up in the daily grind that I haven’t had my usual me time with you. Even now I have just a moment to spare! I have loads of work waiting for me. It makes me tired, just to think about it!”

I was as usual talking to my Highest self whom I like to call Gili a short form of my own name

“Hump! You’ve been too left brained of late, haven’t you?” Gili teased.

“Gosh, have you been reading my diary?” I asked in mock horror. Then “You know, I am getting this power point on the brain ready to present in school; the whole experience continues to be amazing!

 By delving into the world of the brain I sort of unlocked one of the mysteries of the universe.”

“Yes it’s all in the mind, isn’t it? This creation of ours?” Gili chuckled.

“I was going through my notes on Dr.Jill Bolte Taylor who, through a stroke, lost her left brain completely and lived in a silent mind of the right brain, three weeks prior and three weeks after the surgery on her left hemisphere. She says she experienced Nirvana.”

Yes,” Gili agreed. “The right brain is one connected with oneness; that is why she experienced that she was part of God. Some sages who have experienced this oneness describe it at as being a cell in the body of god. The right hemisphere is one connected with who we really are-joy, gratitude, love, peace.”

“If that is so then wouldn’t it be a good thing to be only right brained? Then why do we have a left brain at all? Why do we have an ego? We could have just been at peace in our right hemisphere.’

“Well the whole idea was to experience the world. To experience the world the left brain is necessary. Here we go back to Dr.Taylor’s experience. She writes about how she was in bliss while she did not have the left brain chatter to trouble her but she also makes clear one other thing,’

“I know! She said that she could not operate in the world .She was in bliss but she was just like a baby unable to take care of herself.”

“Which means that if you have to function in this world you need to use your left brain too, doesn’t it? You cannot relate to the world if you are only right brained. That is what happens to people who discover the peace and joy tucked in them through their right brain. They forget their    left hemispheres and are completely out of their minds. There are cases of sages walking naked, of people who needed to be taken care of and clothed because they leave their left hemispheres behind.  The yin and the yang should complement each other for life to go on. We need the ego, the left hemisphere to experience life. The only thing we need to watch out for is not to let the ego or left brain dominate.”

“You talk about right brain being about isness, oneness.Does that mean that left hemisphere domination leads to separatism?”

“Bingo! The very existence of a world shows seperatness.The world can exist only when our left brains operate. THAT MEANS IT IS THE LEFT BRAIN THAT CREATES WORLDS. It does so by projecting a world of duality where there are many beings going about the experience of life.Remember how Jill Bolte Taylor felt her cells just merge with the cells around her when she was right brained? The right brain knows it is one with Source. ’

“So all those religious fanatics out there who believe that their way is the only way and who believe that God is an old man with a white beard sitting up there in judgment ,are focusing more on the left hemisphere.”

“There you are! That is a good enough reason for you not to judge others view isn’t it? Just put it down to the fact that you all are wired differently.”

“Is left brained and right brained connected to the yin and yang spoken of frequently by Chinese?”

“Yes, Yang is the male energy, the Shiva, or Alpha the super conscious mind or creator- the idea for anything. Yin is the female energy, the Shakthi the Omega the subconscious mind, the energy that carries out the idea put forth by the creator; that brings life to creation just as it is a woman who can give birth to creation. So the right brain is masculine energy and the left brain is the feminine energy that allows the yang to express itself.”
I swallowed. This was hard to digest.

“That is why in the whole episode of the Garden of Eden; Eve is shown as the temptress. This is only symbolic. It was not meant as a slight on the female race. This distortion appeared because of man’s ego

What was meant by this is that the left brain or the feminine energy that gave rise to creation became distorted when the balance between male and female was lost and Man chose to forget his real nature and get caught in creation of the left brain.

For many years man lived in the world in total balance. Then “the fall” happened when he gave less importance to his right brain and began to lean towards the left brain which dealt with separatism, materialism.”

“But if he was already balanced how did that happen?” I asked

Gili continued ‘Well there is male and female in every living creature. One who has incarnated as a man has 60%male and 40% feminine energy in him and vice versa. What happened that the female energy in Man found it easy to get caught in the world which is also feminine energy. It thus lost sight of its true nature and became entangled in the world so much so that Man forgot he was God just having an experience. Once his feminine nature saw God as separate from him, the ego or left brain took a life of its own and created universes of its own, its own stories, its own dramas. This is called the fall of Adam and Eve. When the left brain or feminine side (Eve) fell it dragged along with it the male part (Adam).”

 “That is why we are in the state we are in now. And to think we blame poor old God for it! How can we get back the balance?”

“Well we have agreed that the human species has become too left brained. Maybe using your right brain more will restore balance.

“You are using your right hemisphere when you meditate, commune with nature, or do those simple little things from your heart-patting a dog, watching a leaf fall, listening to a twig crack-Focusing totally on each moment, accepting each moment of life.”

“That is why people keep talking about the need to follow one’s heart. I am being left brained not only when I rigidly follow the rules laid down, burying my spontaneity and my soul whispers; but also when I listen to my walkman when I go for a walk,”

“You are also allowing your left brain to dominate when you label things and people and react to them based on previous experiences you had with them or on the basis of what you have heard about them. A person who is in touch with the right brain would approach each person and situation as if for the first time and his response to them would be new and creative each time”

“No wonder we are in so much stress. Most of us really do react based on past experiences.”

“Well the right brain knows only the present. Anxiety about the future and guilt about the past are left brain functions.”Gili interposed.

“Dr Taylor who is a neuroanatomist actually says that it is a small group of brain chatter cells in the left hemisphere that creates all the drama.Eckhart Tolle calls it “the voice in the head’. They are just the size of a pea but they create all the drama and stories in our life.”

“Yes, you all are creators. There are as many creators of universes as there are people incarnate. The left brain was meant to be used to create a nice drama for yourself that you could witness and enjoy. What happened is that instead of witnessing the make believe script you have written, you have got lost in your own creation and what is a dream has become a nightmare.”

“What should we do Gili, to come back home?” I asked again

“Simple!” Gili said. “Just be aware that you are all parts of that one Source called God. Be aware that you are already free, joyful, happy and whatever else it is you feel you lack. Then give away the thing you think you lack to another person and you will find it is in you all the time.”

“Rishis keep telling us Thou art That. This was also what the sage Astravakra told Janaka ages ago. There is nothing you have to do, just know that you are already god and that knowing will cut the ropes.”

“Yes, that knowing will help you see that what you have been doing is creating and projecting universes with your left brain. Once you see the world is just a figment of your imagination will you really worry about it? Rather you will observe it as you were meant to in the first place with humor, enjoy it without in the least being affected by it.”

“I went through this recently.” I said slowly “You can’t imagine the relief I felt just by replacing a negative thought with the thought that I Am That creating this world. Some one close judged me harshly. I spent the better part of the evening giving a left brained knee jerk reaction. Then I remembered that that person was creating his own world through his perception. I have no control over how he chooses to build his world. I can only build up my world-my take on any given situation and my response to it. So I just let go. Then my right brain took over and I saw the absurdity of it all. I actually felt compassion for that person who was weaving a world of mistrust and sorrow for himself and forgiveness took over till I went deeper into myself and realized that there is nothing to forgive. In essence we are both Pure Energy just having a human experience.

Living my life with the knowledge that I Am That and then dipping into my left brain to spin my world has given me detachment and peace.

“Once you have seen that the snake was not a snake but only a rope, you will never again believe it to be a snake. Just so once you see how you are immortal, just creating your world, you will have cut the last ropes of the left brain binding you. You will be the master of your left brain and balanced. The ideal thing is to balance the left and right brains as you go through you experience of life. You will then use the left brain to exist on earth and the right brain to remain in heaven and bring heaven on earth and light to the world! That is what you came here to do!”

“Wow! That really is something to mull over!” I said and signed off as I went out into my kitchen to cook dinner .

I had done this thousand of times before but now as I did the chore I was open to what the senses were bringing me- the red colour of the carrots, the smell of mangoes, the rhythm of the grinder as it ground the batter, the whir of the fan overhead.

 Everything seemed new and instead of flopping into bed after dinner I found I had energy enough to sit up with a book.

“Did   you feel tired after doing all the work?”Gili was at my elbow again.

“Nope!” I said and continued cockily. “Don’t tell me why. I was using the calm flowing right brain energy to do my left brained work. In other words I was being while I was doing.”

 Was this what is called being in the Now? Enlightenment? Nirvana?

 Was this what is called a beautiful mind?

The Sabbatical

 Published in Life Positive ( September 2010.)

I woke up to a “doing nothing ‘ kind of a day a few Sundays back -I woke up quite early but found that I just could not do anything. A combination of reasons led to this lackadaisical attitude. First of all I had slept well and there was a beautiful serenity which flooded my being which made me averse to starting my day rushing from one chore to another. Secondly, I was quite fed up of running from pillar to post, tired of the cooking, cleaning and even the serving. I just wanted to be- be what? Well be nothing in particular. Just be myself.
So I plonked myself on a comfy sofa with a good cup of tea.
I was a zen master for a moment as I thoroughly relished my tea, each sip, of it, absorbing the flavour, the sweetness, the warmth it gave me as it spread inside my intestines.
Maybe this made me even more relaxed for then I just let myself go and slipped into a totally relaxed state where I just was-Even the dirty dishes in the sink and the clothes that needed to be put in the machine did not bother me as they usually did. What did I do as I sat with myself? Nothing in particular. I allowed myself to go where my thoughts led me, absorb whatever my senses offered,I was being just whoever I wanted to be as each moment showed up.
It was only later that I realized that I had let myself go. Let the ego drop. Was this meditation? I wouldn’t know. All I knew was that when I was ready to come back to the practical world about an hour later I was all set to take on all the chores that were waiting for me.
The true meaning of observing a day as the day of the Sabbath is about just allowing yourself to be with your Higher self. Letting go. Letting your ego drop for a while, letting your right brain come to the forefront.
Once you do that you can come back you find a balance between being and doing and can come back to the daily grind refreshed. It is almost like taking a vacation without paying through your nose for it.
Though I started this on a Sunday I find that it sometimes helps a lot when I just take off on Saturday evenings. Saturday evenings are “no cooking’ time or my time out with myself. Either someone in the family takes on the responsibility of rustling up a meal or we find some alternative but that evening is one evening I don’t like to enter the kitchen. I prefer to just be with myself doing nothing in particular or something I enjoy doing.
It may appear selfish at first but in the long run you find that all works well as long as you too fill in for the other members of the family when they want their sabbatical.
Once you have your own evening off you find that you have enough energy and a good attitude to tackle all that the following week has in store for you.
Small wonder why one of the Ten Commandments that God gave Moses is that one should observe the Sabbath- a day of rest given totally to God or the self.

Be still and know that I am God

Published in Life Positive August 2010 as A vacation at home

I was pondering recently about the Karthik poornima celebrations which are held in the temple of Arunachala every year .It has long been my desire to go to Arunachala temple in Tiruvanamalai, Tamil Nadu. So far it has not happened and it has now been relegated to the list of shall do in the future list along with a long desired trip to Chidambaram, Badrinath and Parangipettai (the birthplace of Babaji) I have for the present shelved any plans of visiting these places.
Life has to go on. The family needs to be catered to, food has to be put on the table and served, various jobs have to be done, the plants need to be watered, the dog has to be fed…this is the famous grind of life the sages keep talking about- the treadmill that goes on and on. Where is the time to take off and go on a vacation or a pilgrimage? Even if I have the time, my school holidays do not coincide with my son’s. If they do as in the case of Christmas break, my spouse cannot take off that time. So home seems to be the only vacation spot.
This was at first very difficult for me to digest and I yearned to visit all these places I have mentioned above. But this Karthik Poornima which also happens to be the birthday of my guru Mahavatar Babaji, I had a revelation.
Aruna means light and achala means steady. The idea behind going to see Arunachala is trying to keep your own inner light steady. Suppose the pilgrimage I was hankering after was only an outward manifestation of an inner state? Why do I need to stir outside my home in search of ways to steady the light of my soul when all I need is to turn inward?
When I did an about turn and turned my focus inward, I found that I needed to do nothing. The world rolled itself out at my feet. Life became all about keeping my calm, holding my peace, keeping the light steady in the world.
I suddenly remembered what Krishna spoke of in the Gita when he said that ones light should be steady and protected from the winds of theworld.
Isn’t that the greatest challenge? Remaining in this world, at this point of time doing all you need to do with perfect involvement, yet remaining calm and unaffected even when the storms of life blow all around you.In fact it is about diving into this Light that we are ,to find comfort and solace especially when a storm is raging outside.
What is the insulation that can help keep this light steady? What is that magic spell which will keep you too steady inside this light? For me it is just one thing. Faith in a Divine power, the kind of faith that makes you know for sure that whatever happens ,the ONE who gave you life will also help you live it gracefully, if you only believe…
I would like to say I keep my light steady always but that would be a lie. It is a continuous process. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose but whatever happens life has become calmer ever since I have made an attempt to Be still and know that I am God…
And sometimes home can be the best vacation spot especially when you carry Arunachala, the steady light in your heart!

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I know 2012 is  around the corner and what that entails. The whole world knows that the earth is going through a cleansing, shaking off the old order and giving birth to the Golden age or Satya yuga.What stumps me is the fact that most of the people who are caught in this cleansing act are good ,hardworking people who probably wouldn't even dream of harming a fly. 

Of course nothing can be hidden any longer.While previously people would wait for the law to take its course,nowadays the public decides the fate of the wrongdoer due to extensive media coverage.This really is in keeping with the words of Christ that whatever hidden would be brought to light.But again what about that strong spiritual friend of mine who has spent the better part of her life in meditation and service? Why did she have to lose a son and go through the anguish that followed- the worst sort of suffering a human can take on? What about that gentle ,quiet colleague, a single mother of two tiny girls  who kept running around without a murmur about her difficult life, juggling home and the workplace with only the support of aged parents only to land up in a greater fix after she broke her leg and was hospitalised,adding the last straw on the proverbial camels back?

I've racked my brains and the only explanation I can give is that these are strong souls who are making use of these times to clear away their karma .  Maybe these are the darkest  shadows they are calling forth and healing back to light so that they can step into the New age with more light.

Or are they light beings who are taking on these difficulties to give an opportunity for other souls to be more compassionate and giving so that these other souls can express and gather more light ?

I really don't know.

All I can say is that everything happens for a reason,and the only thing that can keep you going is holding on to the belief that "God is in His heaven/ Alls right with the world."

I really am that which I am

If you scroll down you will see my article I am that I am. This was received with mixed reactions when it was published.Two readers felt that I was advocating selfishness- saying I am what I am .Accept me as I am if you will or I  don't care.They felt that  the article smacked of arrogance.

I  knew that they hadn't got the essence of what  I had meant but then I had no words to explain it clearly to them.

It was a week back that I came across an article which spoke of the mask self. I had always known that we have a lower self or ego which experiences the world and a Higher self ,which  can be seen as the figure above the lowest figure in my profile picture.Life is a dance between this Higher self and the lower self. There is a third self the ego takes on to keep up its face in society- the Mask self ,or the self we put on to convince society that we are the ideal people society expects us to be.Once I  realized that this masked self is the most dangerous self with its sickly sweet behaviour conforming  to the roles society expects you to play, I understood clearly why I really needed to have the courage to accept my lower self and say I am that I am.I am an angry upset person now. I accept it but now that I have the courage to recognize who I am I need not hide my feeling under a mask of politeness. When I am really aware of how I am operating  now , I have the freedom to raise my lower self to its higher counterpart. If  I don't accept that I am what I am now ,I will bury my feelings and emotions under a mask until finally one day they explode when I am least aware of it.That's how the Masked self has made us victims of emotional outbursts . They are our hidden feelings coming up to the surface for light and resolution.

That also explains why I was hesitant a few weeks back when an organization asked me to contribute to a cause. I wondered if I was being a cheap skates by refusing to saying that I would give only when I felt like giving and to whom I  felt like giving.A small voice inside me told me urgently to put  my  name on the list lest the rest of the group think I was cheap. Needless to say I succumbed to its egoistic pressure and wrote out an amount just to conform and play the role of a contributor.One would think that it was my Higher self telling me to give but now I understand the messages of my Higher self better.

That urgent message had been  the masked self speaking.My authentic Higher self  self had told me that giving should come from the heart and it should not be done just to keep up appearances.It is a self that needs only to express its wholeness and joy. It needs no ones approval.

I am that I am and when I give in the future , it will be out of completeness as an expression of who I am and now out of a masked emptiness trying to buy peoples approval.

Truly now that I  understand my mantra I am that I am  and why I  need to have the courage to be that which I am, whether Higher or lower, I have been freed.I say courage because it sometimes is tough to be true to yourself when you know society is watching your every move and is ready to judge you but again what is  this society we are all trying to please ? It is just the opinions of a given group of people and these opinions can change in the twinkling of an eye and is not worth breaking ones head over!

Higher and lower are only relative states leading to the dance of Life and it is only when I embrace both and enjoy all the moments I go through that I move towards the Absolute  who created this light and shadow play.

I then truly enjoy this cosmic dance and dance along !

Pause a sec

Life goes on.I too get caught up in the rat race, rushing to the school where I work, looking after tons of screaming children and trying not to scream myself.It sometimes becomes so hectic that I feel that if breathing doesn't happen automatically I would have no time to breathe.

Then I remember.That is the golden moment.That is the moment that I need to pause, take a deep breath and tell myself that if I have gotten so busy that I cannot take two minutes to look within and connect to myself,I really am caught up in the illusion.That is the ideal time to drop it all and sit still wherever I am and catch up with myself.
Surprisingly the world does not come to an end.Things do not get held up as I thought they would.
It is only my ego which makes me feel I have to keep running.
I can always stop at any time.I can breathe,breathe in life, breathe in nothingness,breathe in bliss.
The choice is with me.I am in control.The dishes can wait.I can go slow with my test corrections.And when I go slow and breathe in the magic of life,all these get down effortlessly.

The comedy of errors.

This was published in the Times NIE student edition in 2009

Whatever being a teacher entails, the profession is neither boring nor predictable. How can such an everyday affair such as an assembly that kick starts the normal school morning be so different everyday?

It all started when we teachers decided it  was not enough if only the good smart children were given a chance to go onstage. It was just not fair.. The same children came on stage, kept giving lofty thoughts or recited poems, kept getting accolades. The good ones kept getting better while the “ordinary’ ones kept hiding their talents under the bushel,content to hide in the background, shivering at the thought of going on stage.
Then the school decided that the goal would be to bring each and every one on stage so that “stage fright” would be an unknown experience among Navkians.
Mornings found the timid truants rushing to school to polish up their News before they presented it to the school while others went the extra mile to go through various thoughts which could give their friends something to chew on.
But the fun began when it was the turn of the little children to come on stage. Here the energy was different. There was no fear, only excitement. And the excitement began two weeks earlier as tiny soldiers beat the drum to the tune of the National Anthem ably tutored by the teacher in charge of assembly. As strains of Sare jahan se accha.” would rent the air we at all ends of the school would know it was at 3 0’clock and the little ones were getting rady for the next morning’s programme. We began to look forward to the innocent faux pas they committed such as calling out to the ones who scrambled in late to join them on stage or their total, refreshing lack of self-consciousness often exhibited by their older school mates.
The highlight came when it was the time of Grade II to perform the Ramayana on stage.
A buzz of excitement went among the crowd as the little ones trickled down the stairs from their first floor classroom. Gorgeously attired courtiers from the court of Ram followed an intimidating Ravan and his group. The colourful costumes, the demure little Sita clad in an orange sari, Suparnaka with her school belt showing under her hastily tied sari, chubby hip little companions of Sita all had the crowd transfixed.
Then as Hanuman jumped up on stage, the junior school burst into giggles. This was followed by round-eyed wonder and glee when the war between Ram and Ravan started. Many of them must have been reminded about the WWW spars they had seen on TV. They waited eagerly for Ram to get to Ravan who was ably being guarded by a tiny little bodyguard.The body guard was doing his job well-so well infact that he forgot that he was to have fallen when hit by a club of Rams guard. He was so busy shooting out arrows at Ram that his opponent began to sweat as he gave a loud whisper of “Hey, you have to fall now.”
Undeterred the guard  kept shooting   arrows. Only when they finished did he remember that he had to fall so that the guard on the other side could attack Ravan.
By the time the little fellow fell down the school was in splits. By the time they wrapped up the play with a group song it was clear that these little ones who gave their 100% to what they did and who enjoyed and were so involved in whatever they did were the stars who had the ability by their sheer innocence to pull crowds.
Kudos to the  children.I am   sure  there never was such a hilarious enactment of that well loved tale –one that will not easily be forgotten!

Free to live, free to experience life.

I love working in a school.You can say I enjoy it next to writing.Though I often like to scream along with the childen out of sheer frustration as the noise level goes up, at the end of the day I go to bed happy.

The little ones especially are frank in expressing their opinion and you need no better critic to point out where you are lacking.Having said that they are the first ones to appreciate you even if you really goof up-as I did on Teachers day.
I have always suffered from stage fright.Well not always.I was at home on the stage ,singing or acting in plays, until I reached 7th grade when I was continuously berated for being over confident or over smart . The last straw came when I took part in a singing competition and my voice broke -a singer's worst nightmare.There stopped my love for the stage. Enter stage fear.Ever since I have always avoided the stage and squirmed out of any opportunity to give speeches, compere or conduct quizzes.
This teachers day I was forced on the stage along with other teachers and my class really suffocated me with their loving demands that I sing.Ofcourse I fumbled,my voice broke and I got all the lyrics mixed up.can you imagine a worse situation? it was as though I was living that day in 7th Grade again.But there was a difference.Staring up at me were not giggling judgemental faces of my classmates and a few teachers who taught me ,but accepting, adoring faces of the children I teach.To them it didnot matter if I croaked.Their teacher ws singing on stage and that was all that mattered.I think that it was then when they accepted me unconditionally, that that part of me that had got stuck in the 7th grade stage experience was released and healing took place.
That evening as I was going home, a little one from II grade came up to me and said,"ma'am you sang very sweetly.'
Does one need anything more motivation? And what about my stage fright? Well,it couldnot have got worse than that and yet if no one minded, why should I?
I also realised that people are so busy worrying about themselves they would not waste a moment thinking about my stage performance.
We are the centre of our own worlds and many of us worry unnecessarily about what others think of us.The reality is others are so caught up with managing their own lives that even if they take off the time to judge you, it may only be for a moment or two.
Maybe I won't volunteer to go stage but if the opportunity arises I may not shy away as I used to do all these days.For I have realised that those who take more time than 2 minutes of their lives to judge others are not worth worrying about. They need to do a lot of work on themselves so why should I bother my head about their opinions about me?
Either way all that matters is the experience I am having for that is the only thing I can control.Once I allow others to have their reactions and am not affected by it I can experience various things in this stage of life without being held back by fear.


I then really start to live

Uncovering the soul

Published  in Life Positive December 2009

Uncovering the soul

Dated: in the now

Dear Soul
“Isn’t the soul already healed? Why then do we need healing?” was the question you posed when I spoke to you about healing. Well you’re right! The soul is healed, whole and complete. What needs healing is not the soul but the body, mind and intellect.
As we heal these three equipments we peel off various layers. As we peel off various layers what is left is our deepest and true self -the soul. This soul which has been muffled up and hidden by the various layers of our false self is now able to shine and express itself in all its glory.
This reminds me of what Shankaracharya used to say. Once you negate what you are not (neti,neti-I am not this) what is left is who you really are- the soul.
Layer 1-The Body
"I am not the body,” is a phrase many mediators use to help them centre themselves. I am not the body but I have this body as an equipment which helps me express the qualities of my true self .I need to do my utmost to keep this equipment in good working condition. I heal the body of its various ailments, not only because it gives me a sense of well being but also because I owe it to my maker to keep this temple pure and be the best I can be so that His light may shine forth. Paying too much attention to the body is as great a hindrance to healing as paying too little attention to it. The ideal approach would be to treat it with due respect and love but with supreme detachment knowing whatever affects the body does not affect your true self –the soul. In fact to heal yourself when in the midst of an illness look at your body as though it belongs to someone else. Then detach yourself from the pain. Watch it, be aware of it, feel the pain completely but keep affirming that the pain will come and go just as waves ebb and flow. It has no hold over you for you are God and God cannot be sick. This requires a lot of practice and commitment but if you keep at it, the results are astounding. I tried this recently and was surprised at the strength I got to go through a migraine attack. The pain continued but underlying it was a sense of peace in the midst of pain. What was this peace I felt when my body was in agony? How could I experience this peace unless I was something more than my body? I had a tough time with the migraine but I knew healing had started, for the thought I was more than my body had been established in my mind.
You need to keep working at detaching from the pain. Once you come to a supreme level of detachment where all bodily functions cease to affect you, you have zeroed in to your soul. This is what Ramakrishna Paramahansa and Ramana Maharishi experienced.
Layer 2- The Emotions.
The body is but the tip of the ice berg. Your emotional baggage is another matter altogether.
For one you don’t see it and for another it catches you unawares. Eckart Tolle calls negative emotions as the pain body .This pain body is all negative energy you have not addressed and faced. The problem with this baggage is that it springs forth into action when you are at your most vulnerable. It is difficult to subdue this pain body when you are caught up in it. That is why you need to do a lot of home work before it attacks. Here is where meditation plays a vital role. When you still yourself, you are then in a position to witness or be aware of your personalities expressions. It helps then to think of a situation which triggers your pain body. Let’s take a situation which we encounter in our day to day lives – that of being constantly judged by others. In a moment of quietness with yourself, witness this situation in your mind’s eye. Then chalk out the appropriate response you would like to give when that situation next arises. You can be sure that the situation will arise soon so that you can resolve it. This is the holy moment of healing. If you find you are caught up in the anger the pain body releases when someone passes a derogatory remark, don’t resist the feeling. Accept it. Feel it fully. See how it affects your body. As you watch yourself without any judgement, the feelings will subside. They may arise again but with less intensity. Then release the emotion with the firm belief and knowing that “I am not this emotion. I am the essence of the body, mind and intellect. I am the one in control. I have a choice of how to respond and what to do with this emotion. I choose to let it go.” Then perhaps you will be able to tackle the situation with love. You may be able to speak to the offending person in peace.
The Sedona method started by Larry Crane tells you to drop the emotion just as you drop a pencil. All it needs is a decision-your decision. It is because you hold on to a pencil that the pencil remains in your hand. The minute you let it fall, it goes away. Same with your emotions. Your emotions latch on to you because you hold on to them. Accept they are there, feel them, watch them and know you have the power to let them drop just as easily as you would let a pencil drop.
Feelings are the language with which our soul communicates with the universe so it does serve us to nurture positive feelings and emotions and uncovers the light of our selves, our souls.
Layer 3- Our thoughts
Why do we have the emotions we have? Well emotions are nothing but energy in motion. The energy of our thoughts in motion. So the source of our emotions is our thoughts. That is why we have to heal the mind and peel off the thick layers of negative thinking. If I have a thought that things should be a certain way-that I should not be judged by anyone, or that no one should talk ill about me, I will naturally get emotional when someone says something bad about me. So here it will serve us to release all thoughts we have about how things ought to be. Once the mind is free of the traffic of thought, there is more space for the soul to express Itself in a new and fresh manner. For this we use the same method. We watch each thought without judgment and know we are the master of the mind. We then allow only healthy thoughts to pass through the portals of our mind. We are unaffected and that gives us the space to examine the judgments and take necessary action if we find there is some truth in them.
Layer 4-Our beliefs
But what colours our thoughts? Where do they come from? They come from our deep subconscious belief in things. Our core beliefs. The most important belief we hold is our belief about the nature of the Universe. If you believe the universe is out to attack you, your thoughts will be that of fear, your emotions will reflect this fear and you will act it out through your body language and interactions with others in negative ways. Just change your belief from separation to oneness and see your world do a somersault. You know deep in your heart that since you are one with All That is, you are safe and pure and so are the others. This belief translates into clear and healthy thoughts. Such healing thoughts of joy bring feelings of peace and joy and you act in the world in a joyful manner thus producing and attracting more and more good in your life.
Once you believe that you are God’s representative on earth, know that you have healed and peeled off many of your wrong beliefs, thoughts emotions and body consciousness, you are at the end of your journey. You have reached that part of you that is eternal and immortal, that is one with Source that is whole, healed and complete and needs no healing. Till you reach that place go on uncovering and healing your illusionary layers. Sounds tough? But that is what the adventure of Life is all about!
We are – God in action
 Just affirm I AM THAT. Once you affirm and believe in this, the rest will soon fall in place.
Continue to heal yourself and just see how you enjoy the adventure of your life.
With love and light


I am that I am.

I AM THAT I AM

Published in Life Positive ,September  2009 issue

Dated: In the Now

Dear Soul
I know you must be puzzled by the fact that I end my letters with this famous line from the Old Testament. These are the words spoken by God to Moses. Well, my life has changed radically ever since I started using this phrase or shall I say mantra? I sometimes substitute it for “I AM that which I choose to be each moment” or “I am that which I am”. It works like magic every time and creates a shift in my being, reminding me of my divinity instantly. Let me tell you how it helped me with my interface with Old Man Ego, over the question of healing.
I’ve always wanted to be a healer. (Haven’t we all?) Most of us look upon healing as something that someone else can bestow on us or we can bestow on somebody. This was the very experience I had-until recently.
I did various things in order to be a healer. I was filled with the desire to heal, to be a Blessing, to affect someone’s life. To achieve this I ran from pillar to post .Any healing workshop, any Guru coming to town and I was there. I am not saying that all this did not help me. They did enormously. But the mistake I made was in thinking that I had to do these things. I had to get a darshan of this great guru, I had to visit mountain shrines, I had to read this book on healing, I had to get my hands on that latest book by this author. Well, caught up in this grind of Have to dos I found that along with all the knowledge I got, I was also accumulating a lot of stress. Was I being a healer then when I was so stressed? Nope. Naturally I was being the opposite- a kill joy .Tension blocked all my energy and allowed no space for healing to flow through.
Further as I lapped up all the knowledge, I became even more confused. Perhaps I needed to get this initiation or that one in order to have dramatic healings. My self esteem plummeted further as I found I was not clairvoyant like this healer or psychic like the next. The Ego in me only added fuel to the raging fire by asking “Now what? Where are the results?”
“I must be doing something wrong of course” I thought and Old Man Ego, ever ready to lend a hand, pointed out that I could not possibly be a healer when I myself needed healing. “First work on yourself.” It admonished. “Then when you are healed you can heal others.”
So then began the next round of feverish activity. I dropped all efforts to heal others and concentrated on healing myself. Hours of meditation and healing sessions with myself replaced all the outer healing activities but I was no closer to the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. The feverish running around after others had only been replaced by an urgent obsession with myself. Life did not improve much. Still no miracle healings. Disgusted I threw in the towel. I was exhausted with trying and doing. In sheer desperation I gave it all up, the need to heal, the need to meditate, the need even to serve. I just let it go. I was suddenly at a place where if I died without healing and being healed it was quite okay. In dying to my ego I was suddenly flowing with life. Maybe I was not a healer but I was a much happier person now!
It then hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course as long as Old Man Ego held the reins and made me think I could be a healer ,I would never be at peace nor enjoy or express myself. One can only be a channel for healing to flow through and it is for the supreme to be the Healer. Even the need to serve was an offshoot of the ego. It was the ego which wanted to feel important as a healer or a lightworker.It was the ego that wanted to be a “meditator.”Of course it was good to meditate for it helped me quieten myself so as to hear the whispers of my soul, but even getting obsessed about that only meant the Ego had slipped in.
What would the soul do then? I wondered, not feverishly but in quiet wonder. Bang came the answer. The soul would just bask in beingness- being whatever it is each moment. It would not hop around searching for people to heal or help. It would just go with the flow, lapping up the experiences Life brought it. It would perhaps say what God said I am That I am. If life brought along some opportunity to share its light, the soul would willingly heal or serve just as an expression of who It is. Life would be one big meditation .It was then that I adopted this mantra of acceptance. I am that I am.
“Let me accept each moment peacefully. Suppose it’s okay if I don’t rush to this workshop. Suppose it’s okay if I am not able to heal this person’s pain. Suppose it is okay if my heart breaks for the other person and I just feel the pain and admit I don’t know how to comfort. Suppose all I need to do is love people for who they are, allow them to be that which they are while I am being that which I am? Suppose I don’t even need anything. I just have to express who I am; experience whatever comes my way, with every cell of my being, trying only to make a higher choice each time. Suppose I go one step forward and include myself among those I love-even on those days when I am not so lovable, when I am tired and irritated and complaining and controlling. Suppose that too is okay as it is just what I am experiencing myself to be at that given moment?
Interestingly enough as soon as I started using this mantra, I read a piece by Walsch author of the CWG series which read …”.Werner Erhard, creator of est, used to put this in his own unique way. "Obviously," he said, pointing at something or referencing something, "this is What's So. Not so obviously, it's also So What?" “
Erhard was saying so what instead of my “Suppose it is okay” but both meant the same thing- acceptance of things as they are. Byron Katie author of “Loving what is” has made acceptance a way of life. She joyfully accepted a diagnosis of cancer and her mother’s death. She even looked at the man who attacked her with a gun with joy, acceptance and gratitude. The bemused man just stared and left her alone. Coming back to Walsh again, he says that if God can be imagined as having a personality, God would be accepting and blessing. He says that the greatest secret to life is that once one accepts any condition and then blesses it, he transforms the condition, for, his accepting and blessing energy shifts the energy of the condition itself. Maybe that is why God told Moses I am that I am, that is, I accept and enjoy all that I am, each moment.
Once I did not want to do or achieve anything great but was happy being That which I am, healing began to flow. There was nothing I needed to do. All I had to do is to Be- Be available, be open so that the only Healer in the world could flow thru me and touch others .I am a channel for healing to flow through when I am completely accepting of both my dark and light sides for it is a part of the human experience. When I accept all that I am I am being healed!
Using the I am that I am mantra in my life made me more accepting and brought me to a place where I embraced my ego instead of fighting it .That means not hating myself and becoming tense on those days my Ego took the driver’s seat. In keeping with the secret given above, I found that the minute I embraced and accepted the role that the ego played in my life, I quickly slid back to my true self. Once you raise your vibration with acceptance you can go on to make higher choices and of course the highest choice would always be Love.
AND Let me tell you Love is the greatest healer. Do you too want to heal anybody? All you need to do is send them your love. That highest energy will automatically carry your healing to them.

With love and light
I Am that I am.

Letters from one soul to another.

This is the first of a series of letters written by one seeking soul to another.First published in Life positive July 2009 issue

Dear Soul

Dated: In the Now
Why Creation?
“What is creation? Why did God create the world?” These are questions any thinking person asks. This question has been haunting me too and it made me embark on a journey that still continues-a journey into timelessness, a great adventure into lands hitherto unexplored by my mind.
Another question we often ask ourselves in despair is, “If God is a loving God why did He create such a mess? Why doesn’t He do something about the world?”
The answer to the first part of the question is simply that creation is just a projection of Pure Being’s desire to experience Itself as the magnificent being it is.
The answer to the second part of the question is that God did not make the world as it is today. He created us and out of His love He gave us free will. We did the rest- created our own monstrous version of the world. Still He continues to send us messengers to show us the way back.
To understand this let’s begin at the very beginning.
Before creation there was only All That Is-ParaBrahman.This unmanifest aspect of God was Pure Being. This great Being knew It was magnificent. It had a desire to experience Its magnificence. (To understand the difference between knowing and experiencing consider the example of honey. Now to know what honey is and to experience it are two different things altogether, aren’t they?) Then this Being hit upon a breathtaking idea as to how to experience Its own glory. The idea of creating was so great that It just exploded with joy-our Big bang, if you please. It split into pieces and thus out of the pieces began creation as Brahman’s Being welled up with love for parts of Itself it could see apart from Itself .From Being It had started becoming and experiencing .
The Rig Veda puts it like this.
“In the beginning
There was neither existence nor non existence
All this world was unmanifest energy…
The one breathed, without breath, by Its own power
Nothing else was there…”
To create, Parabrahm withdrew a part of Itself and created a void. Now one of the parts of Parabrahm that had split became a Creator. It or rather He moved into the void and began creating outwards from Himself. Like a spider that spins a web from its own body the Creator sent out or projected parts of Himself, call it spirit children, souls or just all of us. You may be wondering why I changed the pronoun referring to the divine from It to He. The reason is that Nirguna Parabrahm is genderless. Gender comes into the picture when It projects two polarities of Itself-the Creator which is the masculine acting force we all refer to as God the Father and the Nurturer, the feminine receiving principle called the Divine Mother. The Goddess was infact the divine presence of the Creator or the light the Creator called upon, (the Biblical “let there be light”) when he started creating in the darkness of the void. This feminine principle of creation is known as Shekinah in Kabbalist traditions,Devi in Hinduism or just the Jaganmatha of creation .
The rest of creation came about due to the interaction of these two polarities. This is depicted by the Tai chi symbol of yin and yang which shows that the
Feminine and masculine need to complement each other perfectly for creation to be balanced and harmonious.
Creation thus began with a thought in the mind of the Creator. The feminine principle lay dormant until the idea of the Creator acted on her. Creation is the result of the interaction of these two polarities. The Shivling is but another symbol of this.
Everything else in creation came about when the Mother acted out the idea of the Father. So everything in this world is the Mother in action. She is the intelligence behind the matrix of our world. We as androgynous souls are but extensions of the mother and father.
To understand why the world is in this condition we must realize that everything in creation is energy vibrating at different speeds and frequencies. When the Creator created the physical world at a lower frequency than what He was, He also created the opposite of Himself. He extended Himself to the farthest extent that He could go till He could experience all that was the opposite of Him. So we now have a spectrum with two polarities. Love is closest to Creator. It is the energy He is made up of and fear is at the farthest end -the energy got from lowering His vibrations to the level totally opposite to and farthest from His Being that he could conceive of. In between lay scope for various experiences, various adventures.
Well, the Fall happened when God’s extensions began experimenting with the polarity of fear. Souls began to experiment too much with the physical environment, our earth, which was at a lower vibration. They also operated from fear and as they got caught in physical pleasures they left their right brains behind. They soon forgot their oneness with Source. Thus as separation and fear took over, the egoist thought form was born.
The rest is history. We souls who are all in this great adventure together have traveled down the spectrum quite a bit and have misused our divine powers of creation to create the world that we see today. Some souls who really went the whole way to the end of the spectrum are so lost that they engage themselves in dark activities which are self destructive. They too are parts of God who have forgotten They are That
Some of us are making the way home. Ascension is the soul’s journey back home to oneness. Though it may take time to wind up the ball we unraveled as we made use of our free will to experiment along the spectrum, the journey back begins with one thought “I am God”
I hope this month you will work on removing thoughts of separation and replacing them with thoughts of oneness.
At all times in all situations just tell yourself what our sages told us ages ago, Aham Brahmasmi , I AM THAT and then act as though you are that-and see your world change.
With love and light
I Am that I am.

Now that I don't have to be a Zen master- I am free to be one!

Well, now that I have accepted that I am not a Zen master, it leaves me free, free not to live up to expectations of others, free even to disentangle myself from my own expectations. When I have no expectations and I am free, what fills me is a “Peace that passeth all understanding.” And in this peace I am able to really take the steps needed to be a Zen Master- not because it is the expected thing or the right thing to do, but because it is a natural expression of who I really am- My pure spirit self!

On being Peace

I have been trying to express the peace I always feel within me and when I meditate but somehow if you have been following my posts you must have realized that it never really translated itself in my physical life.

Well,enough is enough. I just about got fed up with the agitations and rushing around being too busy with the demands of life. I came to a point where I realized that I had wasted enough time giving peace a go. So now I am doing a lot of research on why I am not able to float around in the world as calm and peaceful as a master-Zen or otherwise.


The tips the Universe gave me are-First I must hold the intention for peace and call for peace when I meditate, second I need to be really still when I am meditating, not answer when someone calls, not get up when the phone rings. I must still my body and my mind and intellect at least for the time I do sitting meditation. Then when I go out into the world I need to “Step back” as The Mother of Aurobindo ashram says and remember Peace.


I need to decide what it is I want- the need to be right or peace. As usual I need to make a choice. The choice I make will be greatly influenced by what I believe in. If I think that the world is all there is, then I shall be hurrying and scurrying running around and getting nowhere. If instead I believe that I am a spiritual being just having a human adventure I will concern myself with the sweet nothingness of life. I will smell the roses; enjoy the coffee and sunsets. Just as I write this the solar eclipse is going on. Looking at the park just in front of my house the whole area looks other worldly. As if dawn is just breaking though it is one  o’clock noon now. The koels were crying a few minutes back. The light was different. When I take the time to really see, the big and small things of life,life appears in a different light. It rolls itself at my feet and peace becomes a reality.

I am not a zen master

“How come you get angry though you are into meditation and all that stuff?” many of my friends asked me when they saw I had not sprouted a halo.

I would then sigh and wonder what I was doing wrong. I too wanted to walk around like one of the Zen masters you see and hear about, looking peaceful and without a care in the world. How did they do it? I wondered. Was it because of their constant attention on their breath? Was it because they made their whole life a meditation?
I did a lot of work on myself, trying to regulate the breath, trying out various meditations. But the more I meditated the more circumstances appeared in my life which triggered my dark self- the shadow self. All the meditation I was doing was bringing up stored up memories which had been hiding in my subconsious. The more I turned my focus from the ego to my soul the more negativities came up. I found that from being a fairly quiet calm person I was running about like a cat on hot bricks.
I met a few friends who were into meditation and they reported the same thing. Friends  and family were criticizing them for not reducing their anger or other negativities.
It was then my friends and I realized that our spiritual path this moment was not about being Zen masters .It was about being ourselves. It was about feeling the emotions we were having instead of trying to be masters before our time. There is a time for everything and now was the time for our souls to give us a good spring cleaning. Yes, Life was doing a spring cleaning on us. It was taking us to the basement where we had swept down all our dirt. It was bringing up all the dust into the forefront so that we could be aware that it was there and clean it away. How on earth would we know what was hidden in our subconsciousness unless a trigger came along to bring those emotions we had suppressed, to the surface. Only once we were aware of it could we claim responsibility for it. You cannot release what you don’t hold. Once we accepted and identified the emotion, we could make a choice. Hold on or let it go.
People expect you to sprout a halo the minute they hear that you are into meditation but things aren’t that easy. We have built up all the negativities down the ages and unraveling it also takes time. Things would be hunky dory if we could always release negativities with a smile and show the other cheek but that is not how things work. In life you win some you lose some. Sometimes we choose to hold on to the anger to the resentment. The thing to do then is not kick ourselves but accept it as part of our humanness and make a decision to make a higher choice the next time.
One way to make the path easier is to see the bigger picture. To pause in the moment of temper or stress or anxiety  and realize that the person or situation that is pushing your buttons is actually an angel sent by life to give you an opportunity to say goodbye to one toxic emotion. The minute you think of the villain as a godsend, the equation changes. A shift occurs and your anger subsides, your low spirits rise. You can release yet another emotion that has been thrown up from the subconscious.
That is what life is all about. Releasing all the negativities till all that is left is the true self, pure being.
That is what is called enlightenment.