A Beautiful Mind

Pub in Life Positive 2009

 “Hey Gili! It’s been quite a while since I have poured out my heart to you.

I have been so caught up in the daily grind that I haven’t had my usual me time with you. Even now I have just a moment to spare! I have loads of work waiting for me. It makes me tired, just to think about it!”

I was as usual talking to my Highest self whom I like to call Gili a short form of my own name

“Hump! You’ve been too left brained of late, haven’t you?” Gili teased.

“Gosh, have you been reading my diary?” I asked in mock horror. Then “You know, I am getting this power point on the brain ready to present in school; the whole experience continues to be amazing!

 By delving into the world of the brain I sort of unlocked one of the mysteries of the universe.”

“Yes it’s all in the mind, isn’t it? This creation of ours?” Gili chuckled.

“I was going through my notes on Dr.Jill Bolte Taylor who, through a stroke, lost her left brain completely and lived in a silent mind of the right brain, three weeks prior and three weeks after the surgery on her left hemisphere. She says she experienced Nirvana.”

Yes,” Gili agreed. “The right brain is one connected with oneness; that is why she experienced that she was part of God. Some sages who have experienced this oneness describe it at as being a cell in the body of god. The right hemisphere is one connected with who we really are-joy, gratitude, love, peace.”

“If that is so then wouldn’t it be a good thing to be only right brained? Then why do we have a left brain at all? Why do we have an ego? We could have just been at peace in our right hemisphere.’

“Well the whole idea was to experience the world. To experience the world the left brain is necessary. Here we go back to Dr.Taylor’s experience. She writes about how she was in bliss while she did not have the left brain chatter to trouble her but she also makes clear one other thing,’

“I know! She said that she could not operate in the world .She was in bliss but she was just like a baby unable to take care of herself.”

“Which means that if you have to function in this world you need to use your left brain too, doesn’t it? You cannot relate to the world if you are only right brained. That is what happens to people who discover the peace and joy tucked in them through their right brain. They forget their    left hemispheres and are completely out of their minds. There are cases of sages walking naked, of people who needed to be taken care of and clothed because they leave their left hemispheres behind.  The yin and the yang should complement each other for life to go on. We need the ego, the left hemisphere to experience life. The only thing we need to watch out for is not to let the ego or left brain dominate.”

“You talk about right brain being about isness, oneness.Does that mean that left hemisphere domination leads to separatism?”

“Bingo! The very existence of a world shows seperatness.The world can exist only when our left brains operate. THAT MEANS IT IS THE LEFT BRAIN THAT CREATES WORLDS. It does so by projecting a world of duality where there are many beings going about the experience of life.Remember how Jill Bolte Taylor felt her cells just merge with the cells around her when she was right brained? The right brain knows it is one with Source. ’

“So all those religious fanatics out there who believe that their way is the only way and who believe that God is an old man with a white beard sitting up there in judgment ,are focusing more on the left hemisphere.”

“There you are! That is a good enough reason for you not to judge others view isn’t it? Just put it down to the fact that you all are wired differently.”

“Is left brained and right brained connected to the yin and yang spoken of frequently by Chinese?”

“Yes, Yang is the male energy, the Shiva, or Alpha the super conscious mind or creator- the idea for anything. Yin is the female energy, the Shakthi the Omega the subconscious mind, the energy that carries out the idea put forth by the creator; that brings life to creation just as it is a woman who can give birth to creation. So the right brain is masculine energy and the left brain is the feminine energy that allows the yang to express itself.”
I swallowed. This was hard to digest.

“That is why in the whole episode of the Garden of Eden; Eve is shown as the temptress. This is only symbolic. It was not meant as a slight on the female race. This distortion appeared because of man’s ego

What was meant by this is that the left brain or the feminine energy that gave rise to creation became distorted when the balance between male and female was lost and Man chose to forget his real nature and get caught in creation of the left brain.

For many years man lived in the world in total balance. Then “the fall” happened when he gave less importance to his right brain and began to lean towards the left brain which dealt with separatism, materialism.”

“But if he was already balanced how did that happen?” I asked

Gili continued ‘Well there is male and female in every living creature. One who has incarnated as a man has 60%male and 40% feminine energy in him and vice versa. What happened that the female energy in Man found it easy to get caught in the world which is also feminine energy. It thus lost sight of its true nature and became entangled in the world so much so that Man forgot he was God just having an experience. Once his feminine nature saw God as separate from him, the ego or left brain took a life of its own and created universes of its own, its own stories, its own dramas. This is called the fall of Adam and Eve. When the left brain or feminine side (Eve) fell it dragged along with it the male part (Adam).”

 “That is why we are in the state we are in now. And to think we blame poor old God for it! How can we get back the balance?”

“Well we have agreed that the human species has become too left brained. Maybe using your right brain more will restore balance.

“You are using your right hemisphere when you meditate, commune with nature, or do those simple little things from your heart-patting a dog, watching a leaf fall, listening to a twig crack-Focusing totally on each moment, accepting each moment of life.”

“That is why people keep talking about the need to follow one’s heart. I am being left brained not only when I rigidly follow the rules laid down, burying my spontaneity and my soul whispers; but also when I listen to my walkman when I go for a walk,”

“You are also allowing your left brain to dominate when you label things and people and react to them based on previous experiences you had with them or on the basis of what you have heard about them. A person who is in touch with the right brain would approach each person and situation as if for the first time and his response to them would be new and creative each time”

“No wonder we are in so much stress. Most of us really do react based on past experiences.”

“Well the right brain knows only the present. Anxiety about the future and guilt about the past are left brain functions.”Gili interposed.

“Dr Taylor who is a neuroanatomist actually says that it is a small group of brain chatter cells in the left hemisphere that creates all the drama.Eckhart Tolle calls it “the voice in the head’. They are just the size of a pea but they create all the drama and stories in our life.”

“Yes, you all are creators. There are as many creators of universes as there are people incarnate. The left brain was meant to be used to create a nice drama for yourself that you could witness and enjoy. What happened is that instead of witnessing the make believe script you have written, you have got lost in your own creation and what is a dream has become a nightmare.”

“What should we do Gili, to come back home?” I asked again

“Simple!” Gili said. “Just be aware that you are all parts of that one Source called God. Be aware that you are already free, joyful, happy and whatever else it is you feel you lack. Then give away the thing you think you lack to another person and you will find it is in you all the time.”

“Rishis keep telling us Thou art That. This was also what the sage Astravakra told Janaka ages ago. There is nothing you have to do, just know that you are already god and that knowing will cut the ropes.”

“Yes, that knowing will help you see that what you have been doing is creating and projecting universes with your left brain. Once you see the world is just a figment of your imagination will you really worry about it? Rather you will observe it as you were meant to in the first place with humor, enjoy it without in the least being affected by it.”

“I went through this recently.” I said slowly “You can’t imagine the relief I felt just by replacing a negative thought with the thought that I Am That creating this world. Some one close judged me harshly. I spent the better part of the evening giving a left brained knee jerk reaction. Then I remembered that that person was creating his own world through his perception. I have no control over how he chooses to build his world. I can only build up my world-my take on any given situation and my response to it. So I just let go. Then my right brain took over and I saw the absurdity of it all. I actually felt compassion for that person who was weaving a world of mistrust and sorrow for himself and forgiveness took over till I went deeper into myself and realized that there is nothing to forgive. In essence we are both Pure Energy just having a human experience.

Living my life with the knowledge that I Am That and then dipping into my left brain to spin my world has given me detachment and peace.

“Once you have seen that the snake was not a snake but only a rope, you will never again believe it to be a snake. Just so once you see how you are immortal, just creating your world, you will have cut the last ropes of the left brain binding you. You will be the master of your left brain and balanced. The ideal thing is to balance the left and right brains as you go through you experience of life. You will then use the left brain to exist on earth and the right brain to remain in heaven and bring heaven on earth and light to the world! That is what you came here to do!”

“Wow! That really is something to mull over!” I said and signed off as I went out into my kitchen to cook dinner .

I had done this thousand of times before but now as I did the chore I was open to what the senses were bringing me- the red colour of the carrots, the smell of mangoes, the rhythm of the grinder as it ground the batter, the whir of the fan overhead.

 Everything seemed new and instead of flopping into bed after dinner I found I had energy enough to sit up with a book.

“Did   you feel tired after doing all the work?”Gili was at my elbow again.

“Nope!” I said and continued cockily. “Don’t tell me why. I was using the calm flowing right brain energy to do my left brained work. In other words I was being while I was doing.”

 Was this what is called being in the Now? Enlightenment? Nirvana?

 Was this what is called a beautiful mind?

The Sabbatical

 Published in Life Positive ( September 2010.)

I woke up to a “doing nothing ‘ kind of a day a few Sundays back -I woke up quite early but found that I just could not do anything. A combination of reasons led to this lackadaisical attitude. First of all I had slept well and there was a beautiful serenity which flooded my being which made me averse to starting my day rushing from one chore to another. Secondly, I was quite fed up of running from pillar to post, tired of the cooking, cleaning and even the serving. I just wanted to be- be what? Well be nothing in particular. Just be myself.
So I plonked myself on a comfy sofa with a good cup of tea.
I was a zen master for a moment as I thoroughly relished my tea, each sip, of it, absorbing the flavour, the sweetness, the warmth it gave me as it spread inside my intestines.
Maybe this made me even more relaxed for then I just let myself go and slipped into a totally relaxed state where I just was-Even the dirty dishes in the sink and the clothes that needed to be put in the machine did not bother me as they usually did. What did I do as I sat with myself? Nothing in particular. I allowed myself to go where my thoughts led me, absorb whatever my senses offered,I was being just whoever I wanted to be as each moment showed up.
It was only later that I realized that I had let myself go. Let the ego drop. Was this meditation? I wouldn’t know. All I knew was that when I was ready to come back to the practical world about an hour later I was all set to take on all the chores that were waiting for me.
The true meaning of observing a day as the day of the Sabbath is about just allowing yourself to be with your Higher self. Letting go. Letting your ego drop for a while, letting your right brain come to the forefront.
Once you do that you can come back you find a balance between being and doing and can come back to the daily grind refreshed. It is almost like taking a vacation without paying through your nose for it.
Though I started this on a Sunday I find that it sometimes helps a lot when I just take off on Saturday evenings. Saturday evenings are “no cooking’ time or my time out with myself. Either someone in the family takes on the responsibility of rustling up a meal or we find some alternative but that evening is one evening I don’t like to enter the kitchen. I prefer to just be with myself doing nothing in particular or something I enjoy doing.
It may appear selfish at first but in the long run you find that all works well as long as you too fill in for the other members of the family when they want their sabbatical.
Once you have your own evening off you find that you have enough energy and a good attitude to tackle all that the following week has in store for you.
Small wonder why one of the Ten Commandments that God gave Moses is that one should observe the Sabbath- a day of rest given totally to God or the self.

Be still and know that I am God

Published in Life Positive August 2010 as A vacation at home

I was pondering recently about the Karthik poornima celebrations which are held in the temple of Arunachala every year .It has long been my desire to go to Arunachala temple in Tiruvanamalai, Tamil Nadu. So far it has not happened and it has now been relegated to the list of shall do in the future list along with a long desired trip to Chidambaram, Badrinath and Parangipettai (the birthplace of Babaji) I have for the present shelved any plans of visiting these places.
Life has to go on. The family needs to be catered to, food has to be put on the table and served, various jobs have to be done, the plants need to be watered, the dog has to be fed…this is the famous grind of life the sages keep talking about- the treadmill that goes on and on. Where is the time to take off and go on a vacation or a pilgrimage? Even if I have the time, my school holidays do not coincide with my son’s. If they do as in the case of Christmas break, my spouse cannot take off that time. So home seems to be the only vacation spot.
This was at first very difficult for me to digest and I yearned to visit all these places I have mentioned above. But this Karthik Poornima which also happens to be the birthday of my guru Mahavatar Babaji, I had a revelation.
Aruna means light and achala means steady. The idea behind going to see Arunachala is trying to keep your own inner light steady. Suppose the pilgrimage I was hankering after was only an outward manifestation of an inner state? Why do I need to stir outside my home in search of ways to steady the light of my soul when all I need is to turn inward?
When I did an about turn and turned my focus inward, I found that I needed to do nothing. The world rolled itself out at my feet. Life became all about keeping my calm, holding my peace, keeping the light steady in the world.
I suddenly remembered what Krishna spoke of in the Gita when he said that ones light should be steady and protected from the winds of theworld.
Isn’t that the greatest challenge? Remaining in this world, at this point of time doing all you need to do with perfect involvement, yet remaining calm and unaffected even when the storms of life blow all around you.In fact it is about diving into this Light that we are ,to find comfort and solace especially when a storm is raging outside.
What is the insulation that can help keep this light steady? What is that magic spell which will keep you too steady inside this light? For me it is just one thing. Faith in a Divine power, the kind of faith that makes you know for sure that whatever happens ,the ONE who gave you life will also help you live it gracefully, if you only believe…
I would like to say I keep my light steady always but that would be a lie. It is a continuous process. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose but whatever happens life has become calmer ever since I have made an attempt to Be still and know that I am God…
And sometimes home can be the best vacation spot especially when you carry Arunachala, the steady light in your heart!

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I know 2012 is  around the corner and what that entails. The whole world knows that the earth is going through a cleansing, shaking off the old order and giving birth to the Golden age or Satya yuga.What stumps me is the fact that most of the people who are caught in this cleansing act are good ,hardworking people who probably wouldn't even dream of harming a fly. 

Of course nothing can be hidden any longer.While previously people would wait for the law to take its course,nowadays the public decides the fate of the wrongdoer due to extensive media coverage.This really is in keeping with the words of Christ that whatever hidden would be brought to light.But again what about that strong spiritual friend of mine who has spent the better part of her life in meditation and service? Why did she have to lose a son and go through the anguish that followed- the worst sort of suffering a human can take on? What about that gentle ,quiet colleague, a single mother of two tiny girls  who kept running around without a murmur about her difficult life, juggling home and the workplace with only the support of aged parents only to land up in a greater fix after she broke her leg and was hospitalised,adding the last straw on the proverbial camels back?

I've racked my brains and the only explanation I can give is that these are strong souls who are making use of these times to clear away their karma .  Maybe these are the darkest  shadows they are calling forth and healing back to light so that they can step into the New age with more light.

Or are they light beings who are taking on these difficulties to give an opportunity for other souls to be more compassionate and giving so that these other souls can express and gather more light ?

I really don't know.

All I can say is that everything happens for a reason,and the only thing that can keep you going is holding on to the belief that "God is in His heaven/ Alls right with the world."

I really am that which I am

If you scroll down you will see my article I am that I am. This was received with mixed reactions when it was published.Two readers felt that I was advocating selfishness- saying I am what I am .Accept me as I am if you will or I  don't care.They felt that  the article smacked of arrogance.

I  knew that they hadn't got the essence of what  I had meant but then I had no words to explain it clearly to them.

It was a week back that I came across an article which spoke of the mask self. I had always known that we have a lower self or ego which experiences the world and a Higher self ,which  can be seen as the figure above the lowest figure in my profile picture.Life is a dance between this Higher self and the lower self. There is a third self the ego takes on to keep up its face in society- the Mask self ,or the self we put on to convince society that we are the ideal people society expects us to be.Once I  realized that this masked self is the most dangerous self with its sickly sweet behaviour conforming  to the roles society expects you to play, I understood clearly why I really needed to have the courage to accept my lower self and say I am that I am.I am an angry upset person now. I accept it but now that I have the courage to recognize who I am I need not hide my feeling under a mask of politeness. When I am really aware of how I am operating  now , I have the freedom to raise my lower self to its higher counterpart. If  I don't accept that I am what I am now ,I will bury my feelings and emotions under a mask until finally one day they explode when I am least aware of it.That's how the Masked self has made us victims of emotional outbursts . They are our hidden feelings coming up to the surface for light and resolution.

That also explains why I was hesitant a few weeks back when an organization asked me to contribute to a cause. I wondered if I was being a cheap skates by refusing to saying that I would give only when I felt like giving and to whom I  felt like giving.A small voice inside me told me urgently to put  my  name on the list lest the rest of the group think I was cheap. Needless to say I succumbed to its egoistic pressure and wrote out an amount just to conform and play the role of a contributor.One would think that it was my Higher self telling me to give but now I understand the messages of my Higher self better.

That urgent message had been  the masked self speaking.My authentic Higher self  self had told me that giving should come from the heart and it should not be done just to keep up appearances.It is a self that needs only to express its wholeness and joy. It needs no ones approval.

I am that I am and when I give in the future , it will be out of completeness as an expression of who I am and now out of a masked emptiness trying to buy peoples approval.

Truly now that I  understand my mantra I am that I am  and why I  need to have the courage to be that which I am, whether Higher or lower, I have been freed.I say courage because it sometimes is tough to be true to yourself when you know society is watching your every move and is ready to judge you but again what is  this society we are all trying to please ? It is just the opinions of a given group of people and these opinions can change in the twinkling of an eye and is not worth breaking ones head over!

Higher and lower are only relative states leading to the dance of Life and it is only when I embrace both and enjoy all the moments I go through that I move towards the Absolute  who created this light and shadow play.

I then truly enjoy this cosmic dance and dance along !

Pause a sec

Life goes on.I too get caught up in the rat race, rushing to the school where I work, looking after tons of screaming children and trying not to scream myself.It sometimes becomes so hectic that I feel that if breathing doesn't happen automatically I would have no time to breathe.

Then I remember.That is the golden moment.That is the moment that I need to pause, take a deep breath and tell myself that if I have gotten so busy that I cannot take two minutes to look within and connect to myself,I really am caught up in the illusion.That is the ideal time to drop it all and sit still wherever I am and catch up with myself.
Surprisingly the world does not come to an end.Things do not get held up as I thought they would.
It is only my ego which makes me feel I have to keep running.
I can always stop at any time.I can breathe,breathe in life, breathe in nothingness,breathe in bliss.
The choice is with me.I am in control.The dishes can wait.I can go slow with my test corrections.And when I go slow and breathe in the magic of life,all these get down effortlessly.

The comedy of errors.

This was published in the Times NIE student edition in 2009

Whatever being a teacher entails, the profession is neither boring nor predictable. How can such an everyday affair such as an assembly that kick starts the normal school morning be so different everyday?

It all started when we teachers decided it  was not enough if only the good smart children were given a chance to go onstage. It was just not fair.. The same children came on stage, kept giving lofty thoughts or recited poems, kept getting accolades. The good ones kept getting better while the “ordinary’ ones kept hiding their talents under the bushel,content to hide in the background, shivering at the thought of going on stage.
Then the school decided that the goal would be to bring each and every one on stage so that “stage fright” would be an unknown experience among Navkians.
Mornings found the timid truants rushing to school to polish up their News before they presented it to the school while others went the extra mile to go through various thoughts which could give their friends something to chew on.
But the fun began when it was the turn of the little children to come on stage. Here the energy was different. There was no fear, only excitement. And the excitement began two weeks earlier as tiny soldiers beat the drum to the tune of the National Anthem ably tutored by the teacher in charge of assembly. As strains of Sare jahan se accha.” would rent the air we at all ends of the school would know it was at 3 0’clock and the little ones were getting rady for the next morning’s programme. We began to look forward to the innocent faux pas they committed such as calling out to the ones who scrambled in late to join them on stage or their total, refreshing lack of self-consciousness often exhibited by their older school mates.
The highlight came when it was the time of Grade II to perform the Ramayana on stage.
A buzz of excitement went among the crowd as the little ones trickled down the stairs from their first floor classroom. Gorgeously attired courtiers from the court of Ram followed an intimidating Ravan and his group. The colourful costumes, the demure little Sita clad in an orange sari, Suparnaka with her school belt showing under her hastily tied sari, chubby hip little companions of Sita all had the crowd transfixed.
Then as Hanuman jumped up on stage, the junior school burst into giggles. This was followed by round-eyed wonder and glee when the war between Ram and Ravan started. Many of them must have been reminded about the WWW spars they had seen on TV. They waited eagerly for Ram to get to Ravan who was ably being guarded by a tiny little bodyguard.The body guard was doing his job well-so well infact that he forgot that he was to have fallen when hit by a club of Rams guard. He was so busy shooting out arrows at Ram that his opponent began to sweat as he gave a loud whisper of “Hey, you have to fall now.”
Undeterred the guard  kept shooting   arrows. Only when they finished did he remember that he had to fall so that the guard on the other side could attack Ravan.
By the time the little fellow fell down the school was in splits. By the time they wrapped up the play with a group song it was clear that these little ones who gave their 100% to what they did and who enjoyed and were so involved in whatever they did were the stars who had the ability by their sheer innocence to pull crowds.
Kudos to the  children.I am   sure  there never was such a hilarious enactment of that well loved tale –one that will not easily be forgotten!