The Divine mother- The material face of god.

Pub in Life positive April2010.

I have always been a harum scarum person whenever it came to organization and cleanliness. I always thought I had better things to do than clean my home and do house work. Cleaning the house and doing other chores like cooking, washing and tidying were things which would eat up into my time. I thought that the time I spent doing all these “useless things’ should be spent profitably meditating, reading and writing.

There was a time a few years back when I woke up only with one thought in my mind. Meditation. I need to meditate, I would tell myself and then would begin a frenzy of activity as I bundled up all the chores into an hour or two so that I would have the rest of the morning to do what I loved best. Commune with The ALL. Indeed one day my sister did suggest practically and sardonically ‘Talk to God by all means but clean the house too. Talk and clean.” But cooking and cleaning were things I abhorred and I toyed with the idea of hiring the services of a cook cum maid. But cooks and maids don’t come easily in a place like Bangalore so I scrubbed and cooked complaining and grumbling.

One day in frustration I asked myself “Why on earth did God invent a stomach. We wouldn’t have had to toil like this if it weren’t for the stomach that always needs to be filled. Why do I need to do these jobs?”

 Well, the universe has a way of answering your heartfelt questions .Imagine my astonishment when I opened my mail later that day to have a message stare me in the face. It was a newsletter from a spiritual organization that I had subscribed to and the message that day was “You chose to come to earth, you chose this life. You could have lived in the other planes but you chose the routine jobs of the earth to learn a lesson.” It was as though I had been given a blow in my solar plexus. Obviously every word I spoke and thought was being heard by someone- call it Higher self, or Guru or Master or the universe. That presence had really given me an answer at the right time.

I would like to say this made me turn a new leaf and made me a perfect homemaker. Things aren’t so easy. I had to work at it, work at doing the chores with a positive attitude, till one day I realized that that too was part of my spirituality. The physical is not separated from the Spiritual. They are two faces of the same coin. Since there is only the One, the physical aspect of life is just another face of God- the feminine one while the spiritual aspect is the masculine aspect of God the father

Reading Aurobindo’s work also inspired me as he says all life is yoga. I realized that when I was doing insignificant jobs like cooking and cleaning I was still communing with The All, for when I do it with a good attitude I am doing gods business. The Mother spoke of how nothing in life should be treated as insignificant. And how one should do small and big things with the same energy. If you remember Mother Teresa also spoke of “ doing small things with great love” Maybe this is what Masters mean when they say that you need to give your 100% to every thing you do- not a common occurrence in this age when multi tasking has become the order of the day. I too was a multi tasker and would throw clothes in the machine while rushing to the stove to stir the curry and then run to take in the clothes from the clothes line  and  try to squeeze in a bit of television as well. No wonder I hated my household chores.

My life began to fall into balance once I began my relationship with the Divine Mother.

Saraswathi has always been my favorite goddess and the works of Aurobindo and The Mother made me  do some thinking when they said that Saraswathi meant not only creativity but also perfection.

Where does perfection come in? We are co creators with Her. When we misqualify the energy and light that comes to us from our Source, what results is imperfection. Imperfection is a messy house, burnt food, and a tense homemaker juggling three or four jobs at one go, trying to live up to the term alpha female. Hurry, anxiety, non acceptance are not of the light nor is disorder, untidiness and indifference to the material aspect. God as the Mother is reflected in the material world and She is perfection, Sathya even though we like to call Her Maya

Small wonder that once you adore her and tune into her, She will transform you so that you cannot help but reflect those qualities. She, the greatest Lakshmi is all about Beauty and Grace and Perfection. If you can multitask without feeling anxious, that is the right thing for you to do but if like me, you find yourself torn apart, it means you are not reflecting the perfect light of the Mother. Somewhere down the line we need to step back and ask ourselves what we want in life. The Mother’s light or the Ego’s imperfections.

Now I just cannot stand the sight of an untidy house. It is funny how the things I used to overlook like newspapers on the sofa or tumblers on the table makes me go back and clean up- not with frenzy that things should be perfect but with an inborn desire for beauty.At the same time when these things are beyond my control I accept it gracefully knowing help is on the way from the Divine Mother

I still would never dream of moving to a bigger house or adding a larger car to my list of possessions but what I would love to do is add tiny artifacts of beauty to the house-for I now know my surrounding reflects who I am in the inner.

Now I don’t meditate for hours. I try to make my life a meditation. I try to give each job the importance and energy it requires but if I am pressed for time, I do try to do two or more things at the same time for I know that to be a rigid perfectionist is just going to the other extreme and I need to take life as it comes.

I have realized the need for balance in my life, balance between work, creativity, home, family and meditation so that I can move more easily into the wholeness that I am.  Want to make your life work. There are two ways of going about it. Try to dio it yourself with sweat and toil- or tune in to The Cosmic Mother and have Her carry you along in Her Grace. I chose the latter and now when I do my chores I just don’t feel like complaining. Through Her grace I am slowly coming to see it as another part of the adventure of life. Maybe a time will come when I shall wake up every morning eager to take on the household chores and give them the same energy I give to my writing. Knowing the Divine mother I would not be surprised.

A Beautiful Mind

Pub in Life Positive 2009

 “Hey Gili! It’s been quite a while since I have poured out my heart to you.

I have been so caught up in the daily grind that I haven’t had my usual me time with you. Even now I have just a moment to spare! I have loads of work waiting for me. It makes me tired, just to think about it!”

I was as usual talking to my Highest self whom I like to call Gili a short form of my own name

“Hump! You’ve been too left brained of late, haven’t you?” Gili teased.

“Gosh, have you been reading my diary?” I asked in mock horror. Then “You know, I am getting this power point on the brain ready to present in school; the whole experience continues to be amazing!

 By delving into the world of the brain I sort of unlocked one of the mysteries of the universe.”

“Yes it’s all in the mind, isn’t it? This creation of ours?” Gili chuckled.

“I was going through my notes on Dr.Jill Bolte Taylor who, through a stroke, lost her left brain completely and lived in a silent mind of the right brain, three weeks prior and three weeks after the surgery on her left hemisphere. She says she experienced Nirvana.”

Yes,” Gili agreed. “The right brain is one connected with oneness; that is why she experienced that she was part of God. Some sages who have experienced this oneness describe it at as being a cell in the body of god. The right hemisphere is one connected with who we really are-joy, gratitude, love, peace.”

“If that is so then wouldn’t it be a good thing to be only right brained? Then why do we have a left brain at all? Why do we have an ego? We could have just been at peace in our right hemisphere.’

“Well the whole idea was to experience the world. To experience the world the left brain is necessary. Here we go back to Dr.Taylor’s experience. She writes about how she was in bliss while she did not have the left brain chatter to trouble her but she also makes clear one other thing,’

“I know! She said that she could not operate in the world .She was in bliss but she was just like a baby unable to take care of herself.”

“Which means that if you have to function in this world you need to use your left brain too, doesn’t it? You cannot relate to the world if you are only right brained. That is what happens to people who discover the peace and joy tucked in them through their right brain. They forget their    left hemispheres and are completely out of their minds. There are cases of sages walking naked, of people who needed to be taken care of and clothed because they leave their left hemispheres behind.  The yin and the yang should complement each other for life to go on. We need the ego, the left hemisphere to experience life. The only thing we need to watch out for is not to let the ego or left brain dominate.”

“You talk about right brain being about isness, oneness.Does that mean that left hemisphere domination leads to separatism?”

“Bingo! The very existence of a world shows seperatness.The world can exist only when our left brains operate. THAT MEANS IT IS THE LEFT BRAIN THAT CREATES WORLDS. It does so by projecting a world of duality where there are many beings going about the experience of life.Remember how Jill Bolte Taylor felt her cells just merge with the cells around her when she was right brained? The right brain knows it is one with Source. ’

“So all those religious fanatics out there who believe that their way is the only way and who believe that God is an old man with a white beard sitting up there in judgment ,are focusing more on the left hemisphere.”

“There you are! That is a good enough reason for you not to judge others view isn’t it? Just put it down to the fact that you all are wired differently.”

“Is left brained and right brained connected to the yin and yang spoken of frequently by Chinese?”

“Yes, Yang is the male energy, the Shiva, or Alpha the super conscious mind or creator- the idea for anything. Yin is the female energy, the Shakthi the Omega the subconscious mind, the energy that carries out the idea put forth by the creator; that brings life to creation just as it is a woman who can give birth to creation. So the right brain is masculine energy and the left brain is the feminine energy that allows the yang to express itself.”
I swallowed. This was hard to digest.

“That is why in the whole episode of the Garden of Eden; Eve is shown as the temptress. This is only symbolic. It was not meant as a slight on the female race. This distortion appeared because of man’s ego

What was meant by this is that the left brain or the feminine energy that gave rise to creation became distorted when the balance between male and female was lost and Man chose to forget his real nature and get caught in creation of the left brain.

For many years man lived in the world in total balance. Then “the fall” happened when he gave less importance to his right brain and began to lean towards the left brain which dealt with separatism, materialism.”

“But if he was already balanced how did that happen?” I asked

Gili continued ‘Well there is male and female in every living creature. One who has incarnated as a man has 60%male and 40% feminine energy in him and vice versa. What happened that the female energy in Man found it easy to get caught in the world which is also feminine energy. It thus lost sight of its true nature and became entangled in the world so much so that Man forgot he was God just having an experience. Once his feminine nature saw God as separate from him, the ego or left brain took a life of its own and created universes of its own, its own stories, its own dramas. This is called the fall of Adam and Eve. When the left brain or feminine side (Eve) fell it dragged along with it the male part (Adam).”

 “That is why we are in the state we are in now. And to think we blame poor old God for it! How can we get back the balance?”

“Well we have agreed that the human species has become too left brained. Maybe using your right brain more will restore balance.

“You are using your right hemisphere when you meditate, commune with nature, or do those simple little things from your heart-patting a dog, watching a leaf fall, listening to a twig crack-Focusing totally on each moment, accepting each moment of life.”

“That is why people keep talking about the need to follow one’s heart. I am being left brained not only when I rigidly follow the rules laid down, burying my spontaneity and my soul whispers; but also when I listen to my walkman when I go for a walk,”

“You are also allowing your left brain to dominate when you label things and people and react to them based on previous experiences you had with them or on the basis of what you have heard about them. A person who is in touch with the right brain would approach each person and situation as if for the first time and his response to them would be new and creative each time”

“No wonder we are in so much stress. Most of us really do react based on past experiences.”

“Well the right brain knows only the present. Anxiety about the future and guilt about the past are left brain functions.”Gili interposed.

“Dr Taylor who is a neuroanatomist actually says that it is a small group of brain chatter cells in the left hemisphere that creates all the drama.Eckhart Tolle calls it “the voice in the head’. They are just the size of a pea but they create all the drama and stories in our life.”

“Yes, you all are creators. There are as many creators of universes as there are people incarnate. The left brain was meant to be used to create a nice drama for yourself that you could witness and enjoy. What happened is that instead of witnessing the make believe script you have written, you have got lost in your own creation and what is a dream has become a nightmare.”

“What should we do Gili, to come back home?” I asked again

“Simple!” Gili said. “Just be aware that you are all parts of that one Source called God. Be aware that you are already free, joyful, happy and whatever else it is you feel you lack. Then give away the thing you think you lack to another person and you will find it is in you all the time.”

“Rishis keep telling us Thou art That. This was also what the sage Astravakra told Janaka ages ago. There is nothing you have to do, just know that you are already god and that knowing will cut the ropes.”

“Yes, that knowing will help you see that what you have been doing is creating and projecting universes with your left brain. Once you see the world is just a figment of your imagination will you really worry about it? Rather you will observe it as you were meant to in the first place with humor, enjoy it without in the least being affected by it.”

“I went through this recently.” I said slowly “You can’t imagine the relief I felt just by replacing a negative thought with the thought that I Am That creating this world. Some one close judged me harshly. I spent the better part of the evening giving a left brained knee jerk reaction. Then I remembered that that person was creating his own world through his perception. I have no control over how he chooses to build his world. I can only build up my world-my take on any given situation and my response to it. So I just let go. Then my right brain took over and I saw the absurdity of it all. I actually felt compassion for that person who was weaving a world of mistrust and sorrow for himself and forgiveness took over till I went deeper into myself and realized that there is nothing to forgive. In essence we are both Pure Energy just having a human experience.

Living my life with the knowledge that I Am That and then dipping into my left brain to spin my world has given me detachment and peace.

“Once you have seen that the snake was not a snake but only a rope, you will never again believe it to be a snake. Just so once you see how you are immortal, just creating your world, you will have cut the last ropes of the left brain binding you. You will be the master of your left brain and balanced. The ideal thing is to balance the left and right brains as you go through you experience of life. You will then use the left brain to exist on earth and the right brain to remain in heaven and bring heaven on earth and light to the world! That is what you came here to do!”

“Wow! That really is something to mull over!” I said and signed off as I went out into my kitchen to cook dinner .

I had done this thousand of times before but now as I did the chore I was open to what the senses were bringing me- the red colour of the carrots, the smell of mangoes, the rhythm of the grinder as it ground the batter, the whir of the fan overhead.

 Everything seemed new and instead of flopping into bed after dinner I found I had energy enough to sit up with a book.

“Did   you feel tired after doing all the work?”Gili was at my elbow again.

“Nope!” I said and continued cockily. “Don’t tell me why. I was using the calm flowing right brain energy to do my left brained work. In other words I was being while I was doing.”

 Was this what is called being in the Now? Enlightenment? Nirvana?

 Was this what is called a beautiful mind?

The Sabbatical

 Published in Life Positive ( September 2010.)

I woke up to a “doing nothing ‘ kind of a day a few Sundays back -I woke up quite early but found that I just could not do anything. A combination of reasons led to this lackadaisical attitude. First of all I had slept well and there was a beautiful serenity which flooded my being which made me averse to starting my day rushing from one chore to another. Secondly, I was quite fed up of running from pillar to post, tired of the cooking, cleaning and even the serving. I just wanted to be- be what? Well be nothing in particular. Just be myself.
So I plonked myself on a comfy sofa with a good cup of tea.
I was a zen master for a moment as I thoroughly relished my tea, each sip, of it, absorbing the flavour, the sweetness, the warmth it gave me as it spread inside my intestines.
Maybe this made me even more relaxed for then I just let myself go and slipped into a totally relaxed state where I just was-Even the dirty dishes in the sink and the clothes that needed to be put in the machine did not bother me as they usually did. What did I do as I sat with myself? Nothing in particular. I allowed myself to go where my thoughts led me, absorb whatever my senses offered,I was being just whoever I wanted to be as each moment showed up.
It was only later that I realized that I had let myself go. Let the ego drop. Was this meditation? I wouldn’t know. All I knew was that when I was ready to come back to the practical world about an hour later I was all set to take on all the chores that were waiting for me.
The true meaning of observing a day as the day of the Sabbath is about just allowing yourself to be with your Higher self. Letting go. Letting your ego drop for a while, letting your right brain come to the forefront.
Once you do that you can come back you find a balance between being and doing and can come back to the daily grind refreshed. It is almost like taking a vacation without paying through your nose for it.
Though I started this on a Sunday I find that it sometimes helps a lot when I just take off on Saturday evenings. Saturday evenings are “no cooking’ time or my time out with myself. Either someone in the family takes on the responsibility of rustling up a meal or we find some alternative but that evening is one evening I don’t like to enter the kitchen. I prefer to just be with myself doing nothing in particular or something I enjoy doing.
It may appear selfish at first but in the long run you find that all works well as long as you too fill in for the other members of the family when they want their sabbatical.
Once you have your own evening off you find that you have enough energy and a good attitude to tackle all that the following week has in store for you.
Small wonder why one of the Ten Commandments that God gave Moses is that one should observe the Sabbath- a day of rest given totally to God or the self.

Be still and know that I am God

Published in Life Positive August 2010 as A vacation at home

I was pondering recently about the Karthik poornima celebrations which are held in the temple of Arunachala every year .It has long been my desire to go to Arunachala temple in Tiruvanamalai, Tamil Nadu. So far it has not happened and it has now been relegated to the list of shall do in the future list along with a long desired trip to Chidambaram, Badrinath and Parangipettai (the birthplace of Babaji) I have for the present shelved any plans of visiting these places.
Life has to go on. The family needs to be catered to, food has to be put on the table and served, various jobs have to be done, the plants need to be watered, the dog has to be fed…this is the famous grind of life the sages keep talking about- the treadmill that goes on and on. Where is the time to take off and go on a vacation or a pilgrimage? Even if I have the time, my school holidays do not coincide with my son’s. If they do as in the case of Christmas break, my spouse cannot take off that time. So home seems to be the only vacation spot.
This was at first very difficult for me to digest and I yearned to visit all these places I have mentioned above. But this Karthik Poornima which also happens to be the birthday of my guru Mahavatar Babaji, I had a revelation.
Aruna means light and achala means steady. The idea behind going to see Arunachala is trying to keep your own inner light steady. Suppose the pilgrimage I was hankering after was only an outward manifestation of an inner state? Why do I need to stir outside my home in search of ways to steady the light of my soul when all I need is to turn inward?
When I did an about turn and turned my focus inward, I found that I needed to do nothing. The world rolled itself out at my feet. Life became all about keeping my calm, holding my peace, keeping the light steady in the world.
I suddenly remembered what Krishna spoke of in the Gita when he said that ones light should be steady and protected from the winds of theworld.
Isn’t that the greatest challenge? Remaining in this world, at this point of time doing all you need to do with perfect involvement, yet remaining calm and unaffected even when the storms of life blow all around you.In fact it is about diving into this Light that we are ,to find comfort and solace especially when a storm is raging outside.
What is the insulation that can help keep this light steady? What is that magic spell which will keep you too steady inside this light? For me it is just one thing. Faith in a Divine power, the kind of faith that makes you know for sure that whatever happens ,the ONE who gave you life will also help you live it gracefully, if you only believe…
I would like to say I keep my light steady always but that would be a lie. It is a continuous process. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose but whatever happens life has become calmer ever since I have made an attempt to Be still and know that I am God…
And sometimes home can be the best vacation spot especially when you carry Arunachala, the steady light in your heart!